belated birthday presents

I received his presents 6 days later after my birthday. a little late due to his busy working schedule.

When Linus* passed me the paperbag he took from his boot, i quickly glanced throught the bag. i was looking out for my birthday card. i loved giving & receiving cards. to me, words can make a whole lot of difference to me. words are as important as actions. i'm a words and action person, not a 'NATO' person. so i've always been able to express myself freely when i send sms, write emails, cards, notes etc... to people.

nothing else matters but the birthday card. when we parted, the very 1st thing i was anxious about was the card only. i took it out. it was a purple envelope. quite a big one. but actually i dont like big cards because normally the words written by the 'editor' would be minimal as the card would have expressed most of the words intended. and that's what i dont like.

there were 3 pictures with a few wordings of 'For Your Birthday' , the joy of celebration, the happiness of sharing, the promise of a perfect day, and it opens up to 'That's what you're wished for on your birthday and always!' He closed up the chapter with 3 lines and signed off as "happy birthday" followed by his signature and my birthday date, 25/6/05.

i put back the card in the envelope and then i took it out again, repeated the process for 5 times on the night itself. going bonkers already man. i thought by doing this repeatedly could 'magically' add some more beautiful words into my birthday card. a sign of disappointment and discontentment. i'm not being ungrateful. of course i'm grateful. at least there's a card from him this year. last year i got none. nil. zero. nothing. i kept stressing it this year one week before my birthday. imagine my desperation. it has come to a stage where there's no more redemption for me. dead end. any revival skills or secrets to share with me?