surprises from Linus*

Tick-tock tick-tock. the time on my watch ticking away slowly after my lunch. there were a couple of things needed attention but i was confident that i could finish it before the deadline hits me. so i simply surf my time away,reading people's blogs,gaining inspiration and thoughts..

every tuesday are as usual,i am supposed to attend my tawhid lesson.translated called 'concept of Oneness of God'. and i am always anticipating (not complaining) that my study companion would be around. anyway, Linus* was willing to have dinner with me. *grin*^_^

because i was wearing a new blouse to work. it was a tailor made blouse. it cost me $49 and it was one of my favourite colour, white. so i was telling Linus that this blouse's cutting was kinda of too loose fitting though it was tailor made according to my S size. and you know what he says?Linus* said: 'But it still looked NICE on YOU what?' woww... in my heart, i was thinking. am i dreaming or not? He complimented me leh, for the two years i've known him. this is the FIRST TIME i hear compliments about my clothing from him. but i kept it to myself but right now, i'm blogging it out. haha.

so with the dinner companionship and the compliment, i dived upwards. skyhigh. on cloud nine. *still grinning* ^_^ that's the little things that get you going. makes me happy even though i might sound silly actually... and this coupon on the right certifies that i had dinner with him on this day and at this time... more silly right?

Blogging:a new phase of perception

When i first started blogging, the trend of owning one has already began to grow a long long time ago.mrbrown and mrMiyagi were the pioneers of the pioneers. Blogging have since taken off to a new direction. to a whole new era of bloggers who can write very well and have even won awards for Best Blogger 2005 etc... i wont say they are the best among the millions on the internet but locally speaking, their popularity have gained enormously. and i feel that when people tend to get famous, some might tend to be boastful and start writing sh**** stuff on their blogs. but amazingly, the two common folks on this red dot island own blogs which displayed their musings on political and controversial issues have always been tackled witfully with a pinch of humour in it, not traumatising any other race or religion. i think that should be the ettiquette.

about this recent hoo-haa of bloggers charged over racist remarks in their blogs. yeah no doubt, the internet has vast millions of space for freedom of speech, you can't deny the fact that the internet is also a powerful tool for millions of people to defame or insult someone else with just a mere click of the mouse. but in the first place, have they ever asked themselves why are they doing this? is it a mere clash of wrath incurred with exceptions that it's only your personal perception of 'one tree that kills the whole forest thingy'? or an act that you carried out foolishly and impulsively without even considering the consequences of your actions? by giving them the benefit of the doubt, in my personal view la, since the blog had been removed, that it could be the first or probably both. (for the sake of my 'foreigners bloggers' across the causeway , here's a rundown of articles and comments relating to this issue of Two bloggers charged under sedition act over racist remarks and another featured blogger post and the comments made.

so here's the moral of the story(subjective): we are all adults already. and we should write responsibly. act responsibly. perhaps singaporeans might need to try and practise our tolearance level before we really become a nation of 'anti-chinese' or 'anti-malays'. it would be a laughing stock for others. and it takes two to tango. always. in any kind of circumstances. ever wonder if this issue is only taken lightly with slaps of fine or warnings or maybe none at all, the malays who own personal blogs might also start defaming the chineses as well. we are a nation made up of many races with an assortment of colours. why let your personal conflict of interests or experiences make you be branded as a 'racist'? this news would definitely be a wake up call to many bloggers out there, specially those who are backlashing your fellow mates of a 'different religion or race'. i think if you really do need to vent out your anger, such sensitive issues might probably be better in a place called your 'personal diary' and not the weblog. if that two bloggers want limelight to be taken away from mr brown or mr miyagi, maybe they can consider the upcoming my star idol or the super host on channel U. no, i dont wish to get any limelight whatsoever.

it's an expensive lesson isn't it? and painful as well as it hurts your pockets. deep. real deep.

the dreaded capital 'C'

Okay guys and gals... i know this is too teeny weeny small to read the article is all about and nope,i'm not asking you to spoil your eyesight. but focus on the title of the article: 5 reasons he wont Commit YET. this article would mostly be applicable to guys only as i think i have yet come across any gals who are afraid of committment. well i think there might be some ladies out there, still looking around and not wanting to commit unless 'He' is the one for her. i wont talk about those gals. i will talk about myself since this is my blog.

oh yes,i used to be falling head over heals in love with Linus*. i had this hunch that 'He' is the one that i wanna spend the rest of my life with. i thought i would be the one for him too. though i never heard a second time(just one time only but i'm not sure if was it my hallucination or not) that i was his 'gf' or was ever introduced to anyone that i was his 'gf'. so if calling 'huney' was one of a tell tale sign that i was his 'gf', then i would have something to worry now. because the 'huney' phenomenon has become HISTORY. so since its history then i wont dig up the past anymore. i'm looking forward into the future:

1. a standby group of 'options' as what my good sister has recommended should there be no hopes coming from Linus*.

2. a miracle that Linus* would still be the same old huney i first met. which is why i call it a miracle, and since only God can perform miracles. (;

and so back to the article. to summarise, it was saying that guys are actually thinking :

1)that if they were to commit, they would be doomed. yeah, doom because they think that it would close all doors from other 'openings or invitations'.

2) guys have aplenty of time at the back of their hands to wait and wait, then the cleverest thing is also to make you wait, not knowing that your 'system' doesnt wait for you.

3) guys want the best for you, so he's still saving for the big day. if they cant deliver what you wished for, they would rather save more. just in case.

4) they were terribly 'burnt and hurt' before. so their healing process takes longer than women, which explains why they would still want to wait for a little while.

5) they are not sure if you are the one and yet they are so shy to tell you in the face because they can't bear to hurt you. so time drags again. and the editor said that afterall, the guy was really a coward.

hmmm... what say you? any guys unhappy with what the article says?

And i stumbled upon these few quotes from the internet. amazingly, they were from the questions and answers page of this website :

a.True love is never afraid of venturing into a committment.

b.Love without loyalty is merely infatuation, if not flirtation.

c.Love transcends all boundaries.

I am now convinced that i have fulfilled all the above:

i. im not worried of committments so of course my love for him* is true.

ii. since i'm committed, of course there's loyalty. (cannot apply multi-tasking here,because in relationships, its a theology of 'one-at-a-time')

iii. i've crossed so many boundaries. even without the help of his moral support but only from God.

so after going through the quotes, do you think you have what it takes to be a good partner to your other half? this blogger has lots to say. view his article if you have the time.

and do share if you have thoughts especially JoeBloggs or probably nawooz...

the trial of blueskies's mentor

Chief Justice Chew had been called back from his retirement to be the judge in court for this trial of 'blueskies's mentor' because several appeals had been made to the High Court.finally it was approved. Hearing was adjourned due to some unforeseen circumstances. there was a queue formed outside the room. everyone was impatiently waiting for the hearing to start. mostly were made up of women.reporters from Channel m and Channel t and channelnonews were also present outside.

"Court rise" someone shouted. everyone stands up. "Hearing begins".

The plaintiff being 'blueskies' was being summoned to the deck. after taking the oath, she was told by her lawyer to describe whatever that has happened for the past 6 months. she started crying when she mentioned about her conversion and all that had happened to the two male witnesses of her conversion. she said:

"nobody has the time to care or be concerned about my development as a newcomer to the religion.my friends had left me.i was misunderstood.and i had no attention.worst still,my mentor had no time for me."

the lawyer asked for the judge's permission to summon the witness and the accused.

Mr Mutton chop:" not my fault la. i was just being asked upon as a favour to sit in because my friend asked me to. i dont know who she is. Not my fault, not my fault. why you never ask my friend to come also?"

CJ Chew interrupted and said: "but since you made that promise to sit in as her witness then you should do your part as a witness. that's the responsibility of the witnesses." at this point, the lawyer then summons the second accused. Blueskies's mentor appeared in a timberland tee, timberland pants and his Rockport shoes. eh, no. its the 'made in uk' timberland shoes. and he appeared solemn.

CJ Chew told the lawyer to proceed with his questionings. the lawyer asked him to explain his absence from the classes that blueskies were attending. and despite the appeals she made, there was no attendance from him.

Blueskies mentor:"I did attend the beginners' course halfway through i was sent away on a company assignment."

Lawyer asked:" what about the subsequent courses? Didn't she asked you along too?Didnt she tell you that it would be easier for her to ask questions if you, an important mentor in her journey, failed to encourage or the least be concerned about the curriculum of her development in the religion? what have you got to say about this?"

Blueskies's mentor: "but my life dont just revolve around one student. i got loads of them and some are my girlfriends.(pointing to the big group of women sitting behind him with timberland tees too) and i've got my own family committments too."

Lawyer asked: "but you had made that committment to volunteer as her witness, then you must be able to fulfill your duties as a guardian or mentor to her too. even if you have to juggle many girlfriends at the same time.did she demand lots of time from you? was she unreasonable ?"

Blueskies's mentor: "Not really. but eerrm errmm..."

Lawyer: "Eeerrmm what eerrmm?? *tehh* times up." Judge, he did not fulfill his duties as a mentor to the poorly, unattended newcomer to the religion. he left her in the lurch to attend classes on her own and did nothing motivational in her path of learning. People in the court, how can you bear to see such an interesting and eager to learn person struggling on her own? i have enough of this liao. hey CJ,can you pass sentence now?

(there was hurling and swearing in the courtroom.) "Silence. dong. dong. dong. (sounds like the bell) the hammer was hit 3times by the judge.

CJ Chew: "no need for the jury. I shall now announce that this what funny name,Blueskies's mentor be sentenced to
1) 24/7 availability for any kind of questions relating to religion.

2) automatic registration and attendance is compulsory for all the courses she had signed for.

3) payment of all the course fees, but of course.

4) to upgrade your skills and knowledge so that your mentee can come to you for any kind of questions. no such thing as 'i don't know' or 'but i can check for you asap.'

5) to subsidise for the books she has bought because you are to read them too.

With this sentence, no appeals would be entertained in the near future. and hey you,blueskies, stop irritating us or face stricter fines from the government.

after the trial has passed, the mentor was sobbing and hugging his wailing girlfriends at the dock.

at one corner, Blueskies was smiling cunningly*evilish grin*.

*Legend:words in colours are depicting the main characters of this trial*
*Disclaimer: the above enactment is purely for entertainment purposes. names of the characters are fictitious. should they clash with the living or dead are purely coincidental.*

Reflections #2

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) had this advice:

"Virtue will never disappear and sins are never forgotten and the Glorious One who cherishes us all never wanes. So do what you will.... but rest assured that you will be held accountable for all your deeds."

Your Lord, whose love and care has sustained you since you were a drop of 'mingled water' is immensely kind and gracious to those who believe and put their trust in Him. If you are sincerely trying to avoid sin, He'll replace the blunders you make with the good deeds that are part of a Muslim's everyday life.He understands all our imperfections and failings, and what He, in His unfathomable mercy, requires of us is not perfection but sincerity. For He knows. and He cares. Let each mistake be a lesson, and a reason to move ahead with greater fervour. For this is what Taubah means: returning.

Even if a true believer commits a serious sin incidentally, he should remember that the doors of repentance and atonement are always open. and i saw this from the hadith that says, the gates of paradise are open on Mondays and Thursdays. Here's another verse from the Book:

"Those who avoid great sins and shameful deeds, only (falling into) small faults,- verily thy Lord is ample in forgiveness. He knows you well when He brings you out of the earth, And when ye are hidden in your mothers' wombs. Therefore justify not yourselves: He knows best who it is that guards against evil." (53:32)

Reflections #1

Contemplating God's creation from the beginning until the day of Judgement can lead one to the knowledge that the globe and all it contains represent but an insignificant atom in the infinite domain of God. this realisation should draw one's attention to the greatness of Allah (swt) and the minuteness of human beings compared to the creator for those who choose to contemplate. in most cases, this should result in the reaffirmation of one's faith through the appreciation of God's creation, thereby qualifying the process of contemplation itself as an act of worship.

contemplation as a form of worship can also be a double edge sword in that one should be careful not to go overboard by contemplating the unimaginable essence of God, which constitues a grievous sin. Said the Prophet (s.a.w); "Reflect on the signs of God and do not reflect on His essence, for you will never be able to give Him his due."

A man who reflects at length to know God, and has had unveiled to him even the minutest portion of the secrets of His kingdom, will find in his heart such joy and unveiling that he will almost fly, and he will be amazed at his own steadfastness and firmness.

Gadget Addictions

Currently, i'm holding onto this phone X70. I remembered when it first came out, it cost more than$400. everyone at my part-time job was going ga-ga over this phone. it has a external led and if you set them according to your caller list grouping, it will light up to an array of rainbow colours and can show the picture of the person that was calling because it has a camera attached to the phone as well. very very nice... and because it's a compact flip phone, it slips out of your hand if you are not careful, and that happened to me many many times. drop on carpet, no scratches. but once it hit the cement floor. die la. but though i dropped it on the floor for many times, the phone still work quite well. except for the 'imitation' battery that i bought. it died on me for less than 6months.not because i cant afford the original but the stock has run out in most of the shops. hmm... so its time to upgrade my phone before it decides to 'die on me'. below are a few of my choices: any comments or suggestions?
a black Nokia6230. mysterious. just like me. many functions like radio, bluetooth, new games,downloadable themes, many more...

a new kid on the block. a flip phone too but a little bulky. buttons are big too. for the cork-eyed.(always sending to the wrong people like me).prices have dropped quite a bit since its launch. maybe i'll wait till it drop till $0/= haha...
i held this for about 2 weeks. much much MORE functions. has an organiser, bigger memory for your contacts,internet & email on the go, MP3 player, games, synchronization with your PC etc. but then again, i'm not that busy. i dont have so many appointments to store. so the pda's functions go a little wasted in my hands. so i sold this off.

so i better think of the more 'down-to-earth' phones. can call. can take pictures. sms-friendly phones. if there's a phone that has a BIG umbrella around the screen, whereby it can shield off staring eyes, maybe i'll introduce to Linus*. i noticed that when he sms-ed people if he's next to me, he will tilt his phone. like so afraid i will peek at him. actions like these make people more suspicious. haha... jko!

P.M.S

Pre Menstrual Syndrome. happens when its 'nearing' that time of the month. some called it the 'bloody mary' month. others termed it the 'pre-ovulation' month while Sammi Cheng actually called it 'AV'. stands for auntie visit.

If you are a husband to your wife, by now you would understands her emos already. If you are a boyfriend to your girlfriend, if she gets angry with you over something insignificant or being simply unreasonable, for sure that 'time of the month' has arrived. this is the TIME when we are feeling a little more sensitive and emotional about every minutest thing. even my mum is not spared. she has not entered menopause so she's extremely fierce when it's nearing... haha. lucky she doesnt surf my blog.

and recently, everything seemed to be moving in the wrong direction. i just longed for someone close by my heart to be concerned, to be asking about my journey on this straight path. longed for support. sometimes i found myself asking; "would i fare better if the reason of conversion was because of a partner or would i be worse than now?" and sometimes i cant help but envied those couples in my class. but being envious of someone else is not a good thing from a religious perspective because it would stir the 'satan' in you. we need to create more goodness than stirring up the 'satanic' desires. i knew there's only one thing that could help me. because i didnt quite get better after my '2nd call'. because the moment i reached the office, i became low-spirited, sad, teary, emotional and all my problems started flooding back again. off-peak PMS = no peer support, never mind. peak of PMS = why am i all alone? that's the cycle. i need to spin myself out of that. but i know i cant because i really felt lost at times but just never showed it. and suddenly, my heart yearns for the hugs i used to get from Linus*. but since it's impossible now, no point dwelling on the impossibilities.

but still, i spend 20mins on it before i focused my attention on trying to 'revive' myself. so i click and surf the links onmy sidebar and saw this verse that best suits anyone at any time of the day, month, year... here's how it goes:

If you do not deceive your Lord and turn back to Him, you’ll find Him welcoming you with open arms. In this is indeed a reason to rejoice. So, never lose hope and never stop trying. ‘The Lord is your shepherd. You shall not want. He shall make you lie down in green pastures: He shall lead you beside the still waters. He shall restore your soul: He shall lead you in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake. Though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, fear not; for you are with Him. His rod and His staff shall comfort you.’

So hasten people.... return to Him.... (:

A guessing game

Show you guys a photo i've been relinquishing this few days...


You may ask:
a. Linus*?
b. me?
c. my baby?
d. my brother?
e. my mum when she's young?

Give me your answers, quick! If you guessed it correctly, there's a one night free stay @ my home sweet home abode.... anyone interested??

the odds & the bits and pieces

Today's blog topic is to plagiarize from myfavouriteblogger of his current 'hot' blog post called 'defining moments'. it was a homework sort of thing. each of his ardent fans are to drop comments about the moments in our life that had shaped the present us. but having lived for more than 20odd years, i find it quite hard to get the 'defining moments' out as probably some might be so painful that i've erased it from my memory. but anyway, pleased to share some here with you guys:

1) dad was diagnosed with nose cancer. whole family's appetite changed from meaty diets to herbivorous diets to accomodate him. everyone was feeling down. and seeing him grew skinner each day after his chemotherapy breaks my heart. promised myself to take care of him whenever he's sick. or at least be concerned.

2) first experience of 'sending' my paternal (deceased) grandfather off till his last breath. sob sob... spent most of my mum's & me time from the hospital to his comfort zone and next to his deathbed. never experienced such close contact with a dying person before. swore to cherish every single moment with my loved ones.

3) failed my science in my o'levels. wanted to study this special diploma in food and science technology in temasek poly. haha. couldnt believe that i was actually weak in science instead of maths. so i changed my interest to hotel management.

4) jumped onto the SHATEC bandwagon. the once popular school to learn about hospitality managment. sounds pretty cool right?was interviewed before i got selected to be enrolled. and i heard from my bro that my mum had kept the letter and changed her mind about letting me go there. threatened to leave home. but didnt bring out my belongings.

5) at the age of 19, stepped into the 'working world' at singapore changi airport. a gateway to the world. flew to at least 5 different countries each year. repeating two countries in two years over a period of 7 youthful years served. marvellous experience gained as a staff and as a tourist from all walks of life. all that made possible by the free ticket given by the company every year. matured faster than my classmates who spend their time in classrooms.

6) then when u think u have met the right person in your entire life, and is ready to commit yourself, you realised that the person is 'also ready' to accomodate another women in his life. worse than a bad hair's day. 100times more powerful than the wasabi nuts. never to trust men again. period.

7) then i met another guy(Linus*) through a 'special kind of experience'. but after two years of spending our time together, he decide to end it off. took me lots of effort to pick myself up and made myself to believe that God would send someone better along. soon i hope. and i've almost used up all my plasters.

8) met my mentor (currently crowned the greatest and the nicest since i've not met anyone better). he has taught me lots of things.lessons in life,love etc.

9) and through my mentor, i got to know about the 'completed and perfected favoured religion' for mankind sent from God.went against all odds from family and friends to embrace islam because i trust what i believe. but i almost lost the shelter over my head. perservered and won my family over about accepting my decision. i guessed this has been the biggest turning point in my life because i had to adapt myself with so many changes in my lifestyle. more 'akan datang'.

10) still continuing my journey and had daringly shared my pre and post conversion problems, trials and tribulations at this blog and extending my wings here.

well, i guess that's it for now. thanks to Nawooz & mistyeiz who have offered your more than rm0.02 worth of advice, and providing the best support in my blog.

hope it didnt bore you guys. yawnz.....

I just spit out an Elephant (finally)

I had long prepared my resignation letter, waiting for the right time to hand it in to my manager. hesitated and made so many changes to the effective date because of certain factors that were holding me back in this pithole.

i was on the verge of handing out my letter the moment i received my FIRST. the One and Only job offer for these 2 years that i've tried(not quite first one, cos timing wasn't right i rejected two offers). when i finally got one, the very first person that i very much wanted to share the good news was my mentor. finally, when i had the opportunity to tell him, he didnt sound happy for me. weird i thought. i remembered he said that the organization was okay but later he revealed that it was best that i should avoid the entertainment line. but i thought otherwise, so long the organization have no qualms about me wearing my 'preferred attire', i should give it a shot. well, i guessed its not meant to be afterall. i was really disappointed. because i still don't get to leave this place. i am really unhappy here. no matter how much i tried to shift my perspective, things got from bad to worse. it didnt get very worse but just didnt get better. (sounds the same though)

so my mentor suggested that i should try the other organization that his friend worked in. thought that might be more conducive for me.less gossip. so he volunteered his assistance by getting the email address for me and when i was done with that, i told him that i wanted to hand in my resignation letter. he told me to be patient and i should wait for the other organization to respond first. and he even said that i would be rewarded for my patience. but i couldnt take it anymore. i can be patient but not with matters relating to leaving this place i no longer feel comfortable to be in.

i was pretty sad and low-spirited when i was told to hold back my letter. that was on a wednesday i think. then i began my sleepless nights since. when i thought i could hold back a little longer, a staff from the accounts department further exasperated me. that was two days later. i thought to myself: i do not want to face any nonsense from these people anymore. no matter how much patience i was tested, i felt that this was it. i had ENOUGH!! i spend so much time here, i do not want myself to get soaked in this kind of environment, spoiling my good and cheerful spirit and get nurtured into someone devilish.

i handed the letter to my manager and told him my decision first thing in the morning. first thing he asked: "unhappy here?" i wanted to say yes but i want to save the 'best for last'. probably during the exit interview. and when the letter was handed, i just felt like i've offloaded a heavy piece of boulder off from my shoulder. like as though something was stuck in my throat diaphragm and finally i spat it out! It was a total relief! but then again, i need to suffer another two months here because of the stupid eight weeks notice the company laid down in the contract. never mind, chang tong bu ru duan tong. 'short term pain better than long term pain' (that's the translation)

Okay, though i've done something despite your advice. but i do hope that you can try and understand what i've been through down here. you might not be able to understand what i went through because you are not in that position. i've tried all ways and means to find out but i was never given a second chance. so i'm not going to beg for a third chance anymore. like what amy says:" I dont need their friendship anyway, if they choose to behave like small kids."

and for the first time,i've kept my resignation away from my parents. sorry mum dad, i just dont want additional nagging.

a topic which not everyone likes...

Continued from the 'not-so-popular-blog subject'.... generally termed as religion...

As i was saying i need to say thanks to many many people. family,friends,relatives and of course not forgetting my mentor.

Please note this people. take it with a pinch of salt. content might not be suitable for all. not a 'one size fits all' thing. and the order of preference would be according to the level of utmost importance to me. you either read it from the bottom or take it right from the top. nevertheless, everyone plays an important part in this big big step i've taken.

My family: my mum, dad and brother. my parents initially of course was the biggest hurdle to cross because especially my mum. she took it the heaviest. because i feel that never in her life would she imagine that i would step into the world of Islam. and when they heard that i was taking up studies on that topic, they threatened to chase me out of the house if i were to convert one day without their consent. but thank God.i still have a shelter now over my head. my brother took it the lightest. no major reaction though but keep pressing me to tell him my blog address.at his age, nothing matters except fun fun fun. so religion to him,neh, not my cup of tea.no offence really.if you are seeing this.

MM(not minister mentor) but shortform for My Mentor: Together with God's will, he took the time to explain the details of Islam to me. he said because i wanted to know so that's why he shared. as the interest grows, he volunteered to bring me for my first orientation course, and then motivated me to go study the Beginner's course at Muslims' Converts Association of S'pore. and instead of spending time with his girlfriends, he sacrificed that and accompanied me to the class. isnt he so sweet? unfortunately, halfway through he had left s'pore on a job assignment. so i went there on my own. it was quite tough because the questions and doubts all had to be put on hold. and this happened for all the rest of the courses i attended. due to his busy schedule, he could no longer keep me company for the rest of the courses i registered. i've lost a study companion. everytime i go for my class, i saw most of my classmates were paired up with their malay bfs or gfs. at that time, i wished i had one too. (; and i always felt that it was so much easier to ask questions from my mentor if he were to be present in the class. anyway, i've been fine throughout the 3 courses that i've signed and attended on my own. Praise be to God. though my mentor might not be always available when i was really at my odds' end but nevertheless, i was really really glad that he had been around all this time. Thank you so much, MM.

My friends: some had been supportive but some had been receptive. and there was a particular good friend of mine whom i really cherished. i kinda lost that friendship through some misunderstandings. i wrote about her in my previous blog. no i didnt insult or defame her but just trying to emphasize the goodness about being a muslim. i might have hurt her unintentionally and she have ignored me since. i may have lost some friends but with God's grace, i gained double of what i have lost.

my cousins: only from the Ho family so far. i've went out with them twice for dinner. i wore my 'headscarf attire' but they didnt make me feel awkward and understood my position. i really need to thank them for their understanding. for accepting who i am and not what i become.

this journey has really changed my attitude and perception towards life. though i may not have been through this conversion long enough to talk big big philosophies in life to you but having gone through 6 months of enrichment lessons, the essence of being a good muslim is growing. and because Islam is deen, and deen is a way of life. a way of life is about incorporating the guidance given by God into your daily work and life. as one good blogger, ms misty puts in, there are bound to have groups of zealous extremists tarnishing the image of Islam. everywhere.

Anyway, thank you for dropping by and reading up to the very last sentence.

a surprise breakfast

Since the 'Desperate Housewives are over, now i'm hooked on this reality show from the US. this is the 3rd season i've watched. and it's really cool. the famous model, Tyra Bank. She's sexy, beautiful and have no airs. so she start hunting potentials by viewing the thousands videos sent in to her and shortlisting the hundreds to the hopefuls of about 50. when the show started, they eliminated to 20 for the 'reel show on the catwalk'. these are the beautiful women who dare to dream and pursue their biggest dreams on the walkway. from the show, you get to see very beautiful and sexy women in their early adulthood vying to remain to compete for the one and only spot for America's Next Top Model.

from the show, you see very confident, very proud, very boastful women, or women who quarrel over the minutest things and they pick up fights. from the so many episodes i've followed, i've come to this conclusion that women are created to be vain people. women by large, loved to be beautiful.and the very first factor to be considered beautiful is a good complexion. this will give you that extra boost to look, feel and be confident. because when you are beautiful, you are confident. but when you only have so-so looks, you don't have too much confidence because of the way you look. i categorised myself as mentioned earlier. like any other girl-next-door. big eyes, fair and freckled face and some scars arising from the occassional outbreaks on my face. visulize and you go hmmm....anyway, no one would be interested to look at 'plain jane'. but of course, i am still appreciative of the looks that had been created by God.

This morning, i had the sweetest surprise!!! as the title implies, i've got a surprised breakfast item from Linus* Isn't he sweet? i was touched by this little act. the sms came first. this was his exact words:

"I bought breakfast for you. Its in the pantry. white package."

I was really astounded. amazed. esctatic. you might think i'm nuts. just a breakfast only why get so excited about it, but well, these kind of moments don't come all the time. so perks like this do really brighten up my day so to speak.

but early this morning i had bought two fried eggs to go along with my white bread. so i had decided to keep the pastry till lunch. but shockingly, this was what i found out: (see the picture below to understand more) People who saw me taking the pixs thought i wanted to complain to Delifrance. no la i won't. although i am a singaporean, but i'm not a complaint queen. sadly, one of the endearing traits was to complain about everything PRACTICALLY.

Where is the fillings??Looked so empty.

the forbidden(or forgotten) stuff

MISSING YOU...
"Forbidden Emotions are hard to bury, unspoken emotions are torture"

For keepsake of sweet sweet memories:

1. missed the times he used to twirl my hair. though it hurts most of the time, but i enjoyed it. i'm a sadist. sometimes i get to enjoy the acts of him twirling his hair.

2. missed the times we would go and pack our dinner at our fav hangout. then we would rush home and watch tv and eat our dinner together. desserts: snuggle up in each other's arms.

3. missed the times when i present his gifts to him, i would get a special prize from him.

4. missed those times when we spent chatting about everything under the sun. we could talk like we've known each other for so long. (its hard to find one that you can talk to almost about everything)

5. missed those times when we enjoyed good movies together.

6. missed the times he made bread with egg mayo and asam or prawn maggi concoct with his own recipes for me.

7. missed those times where automatically he would ask me for dinner. and i could tag along wherever he goes.

8. missed those times when he really missed me. and without fail, every morning, i would get breakfast for him and he would smsed me every single day.EverySingleDay. without fail.

9. most importantly, missed those sms-es with the word 'huney' that came buzzing into my phone. missed those goodnight kisses too.(virtual ones la of course)

so ever since this happened, i've stooped to cooking up excuses to ask him out, on his part, he has STOPPED doing all that inviting he used to do. PERIOD.

saddening though. so many changes to cope recently. but no matter how difficult it is to adapt, we still need to understand that life still need to go on. and take it as a challenge as decreed by God.

Overworked and underpaid!!!

Sometimes i'm confused over what are my job responsibilities and duties as a marketing officer. when i was first employed, i was known as a marketing communications officer. but when i first prepared my first correspondence letter to the insurance companies, my direct boss said that it wasnt appropriate to sign off as a marketing comm officer because that would confuse our clients. and i had to change it as customer service officer! I felt cheated! I couldnt think or work properly for a week. I was practically feeling so down about the title change. I couldnt accept it and i was very angry with my other manager too. Sigh... My direct boss is a male and my PR manager is a female. both work differently, they act differently towards eah other too. On the surface, she agrees with what he says. contrary to her 'artificial' behaviour, she actually says lots of bad things about him behind his back when he's not around... beware of such back stabbers in your office!

despite the excessive job responsibilities piling on me from my own PR duties to customer service, and operations to accounts, i don't demand a high pay in this office. just a meagre salary. and which i just found out that with the workload that i've been piled with, i'm the lowest paying employee. with benefits you can count without using both of your hands. and i have to put up the nonsense, particularly from an account executive from a department which she deemed to be the busiest and was branded as the backbone of the organisation. she has this mentality hence her attitude have always been so very unpleasant. she's beginning to be very personal towards me. holding back my petty cash reimbursement and not advancing cash when i really have AN URGENT NEED. practically having to put up with all this, i have always put on a smile to all this treatment given.

whatever her accounts staff require inorder to expedite payment from our clients, i would try and rush it out asap for them. well of course, they dont pay me. but neither was my pay been conditioned to be paid to accept such treatment from her. i dont remember signing any contract that has such conditions. and recently, all my boss had to do was to chase them (accounts) to get our clients to pay the outstanding amount before the STUPID AUDITORS come. the accounts would just conveniently shove the stuff for me. lucky she has this gentle natured colleague in that department. unlike her, the requests she passed down was a proper 'seeking for help' tone. but her account executive boss's tone was like; 'hey! you better do this fast!' otherwise face questioning by big boss...

all this work come at one go. everything lump together at the same time. all they say or do is chase and chase. and just shove the ball out of their court. no, the cycle stops here. i got no one else but to take in all these. sure i can handle but i just couldnt take it lying down. perhaps i should sit. if sit cannot, maybe i can squat.

Dont Do also Complain. Do also complain Sloww.... so hard to please one...

the not-so-popular blog post

Do you own a blog? Blogging have created so much attention as more and more people turned to blogging to voice out their personal thoughts or interests. bloggers from the young to the working adults, to the withered and wrinkled and my recent findings, a very busy CEOof an insurance company selling his products. and the creative ones would have their blog nicely put up with their own blog skins...really cool!

Blogging provides a space which you called it your own on the www portal.you can name it after your pet, your mother, father, your company, your lover. or something you like very much. maybe named in loving memory after a dead person or a blog title totally out of this world. I started my first at blog.com. it has all the first hand account of my turbulent journey from pre, post and present situation after i began a journey in search of the truth.. as the addiction to blog became 'unstoppable', i created another blog when i was in a very insecure 'domestic partnership-friendship-relationship' with a guy that i liked every much. and from that blog, were comments left behind by kind-hearted and sympathetic soul to 'heal' my broken heart. and it all began from those heartwarming comments from the kind-hearted soul that lead me to the very first blog called "Nonsensical Logic" (cant remember the exact spelling) but now is popularly known as The World from My Eyes. ever since, i could not stop myself from reading it...

What do you like to blog about? i noticed about the popularity of blogging about pub or club hopping, from Zouk to DXO to MoMo, about political issues revolving around their countries and some blogging about how many levels have they won in a maplestory game. of so many blogs i've come across, nobody has ever been so attracted or tempted to write about religion issues. i might not be the first but i'm definitely not the last to do so.

Questions which people ask me are:

a)"Eh, why you convert ah?marriage ah? so when you getting married?"

b)"Got a malay boyfriend? so when getting married?"

c)"Sure or not, this religion so good meh?"religion play play only what. why so serious one."

and when you tell them the reasons that got you attracted to the religion, they go "Oh i see." that's it. no one bothers to find out more. no one would say: "Oh, can i follow the next time you attend your class?" NO. because religion to some is purely amusement or a pastime during retirement. But islam is more than just a religion. It is a way of life as what it is truly known. it is not a religion for terrorists, extremists or just a religion for the 'dark-skinned' fellow men. Islam is about coming back to where you belong originally. i share with you this verse, simple one. to ponder:

"Your Guardian-Lord is Allah, Who created the heavens and the earth in six days, and is firmly established on the throne (of authority): He draweth the night as a veil o'er the day, each seeking the other in rapid succession: He created the sun, the moon, and the stars, (all) governed by laws under His command. Is it not His to create and to govern? Blessed be Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds" Al-Quran 7:56

You may not grab the entire beautiful meaning in just this verse. but put it simply, God created the universe for us. with animals and plants for our sustenance on earth. with the sun and the moon to differentiate day and night so that mankind can rest. with gravity so that we can stand on our feet firmly otherwise even earth can also be felt like as though you are in space. it was the wonders of nature on this entire universe that drew me closer and closer to Islam, hence the decision to embrace it all on my own free will, at no expense of compulsion whatsoever. and i have a few people to thank for being able to come this far...

to be continued....

An online invitation

AN ONLINE INVITATION

I wasn't sure if i should put this up online because i dont know if Linus* would see this. and because i was rejected most of the time, i became unsure if this was the right approach about this invitation.blogging could work better,perhaps. or maybe i should have hind sight that his acceptance of my invitation might not come true.but anyway, i would like to try.

Okay Linus*.... here's the details of my invitation as follows:

Date: 14 august 2005

Time: 11am

Place: Town

As the above refers, I would like to ask you out on the mentioned date. there's a great comedy showing now, "Wedding Crashers" and there's a great restaurant that serves up good tantalizing food and desserts. and i think i would like to enjoy great movies and good food with the company i enjoyed most, and i always believe that good stuff must be shared with the people i like. of course, you are one of my few favourites. surely this invitation goes to you honourably. and i've decided to combine these 2 offers on this particular day. it maybe quite a challenge to you because:

1. you are committed to your parents

2. you are committed to your brother

3. you are busy running your family's errands

4. you are busy with your 'personal and private' stuff

5. all of the above.

But despite your busy schedule, if you are able to accept this invitation, please drop me an email or drop your comments in this blog. You may contact the undersigned at her private email should you have any clarifications or wish to make any confirmations or reservations on your seat.

N.B: This offer is only valid for 2 sundays. failing which no reply had been heard, this should become null and void.

a close shave

Yesterday i had planned to go climb some stairs to burn some fats off my body. ahh... just couldnt drag myself out of my bed. i cant remember what time was it when i finally got out from my bed. sub-consciously and half-awaken, i dragged my feet to the kitchen and found a note from my mum:

Daddy and myself have gone out to pray to ah kong (my 'expired' grandfather). i'm cooking lunch so please stay at home to eat. so we will be back by 12pm.

sharks.i exclaimed. i quickly opened up the pots and pans. found out that there was rice and two other dishes. i panicked. it has been always been the norm to cook some dishes at home and she would bring them to the temple during the seventh month ghost festival as offerings of 'spiritual food' to the dead ancestors. i remembered the very first time i received counselling, the counsellor told me that muslims can't consume food that are offered to the dead. the basis being you only pray and worship One God. because if you do, you are acknowledging that there are people Higher than Him, or that you believe that there is someone who is more Powerful and Sovereign than Him. the first person i thought of approaching to clarify my doubts was my mentor. but hmmm, it's a holiday man. so for sure he wont be available for me. so the next person i looked for was another sister who had converted for more than 10years. i text her but at the same time, i sms-ed another sister who had converted since last Sept 11. She replied first, stating that we aren't allowed to consume any food that had been already offered to the idols or the dead. so i've come up with several options:

Option 1: run out of the house as soon as possible. fork out a white lie, saying that i've got a lunch appointment already. skip all the food.
Reaction 1: she would be very disappointed.

Option 2: stay at home and face the music. try to explain things and see how it goes. but things might turn out ugly though.
Reaction 2: she would be very angry and upset. wrong impression created and the peaceful image of islam that i was trying so hard to portray would be tarnished...

Option 3: scoop out the 'clean servings' directly from the pot as those aren't offered yet. at least i tried to eat her food. then if she ask, i'll try and tell her nicely about my restrictions.
Reaction 3: SCREAMinggg... FUMIngg mad with me... ShOUTIngg at me: " I totally cannot accept your reasons. How can you ever say such things? How can you ever live harmoniously with us in this family?"

okay. so take it or leave it. do also die, dont do also die. just pray hard lor.

i decided to take option 2 and stay put. before i could scoop out the vegetables, she came back home. sharks la. but surprisingly, when i told her that i would be eating those from the pot, she didnt make noise, neither did she asked why... hmmm... she did cut some 'vegetarian fried ham' and offered to me. i quickly rejected. she said; 'aiya, why don't eat? i know u at home, that's why i buy and bring go and pray?' pointing to my mountain of rice and vegetables, i excused myself on the pretext of having so much in my plate already. by the time i finished my plate of lunch, no questions were shot at me. strange. hmmm....

later on, when i went out with her, she asked me what would i do if i were to meet a guy who doesnt want to embrace the same faith as i do. what would you think be my answer?

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy 40th Birthday Singapore!!! Oh yes, you have come this far. as you mature from a young seedling sprout to a mature and sovereign nation tasting four decades of independence. i might not be as patriotic as i used to be during my school days but i do love this country who have sheltered and shielded me from big torrential downpours and thunderous storms. and because i am proud to be where i am as a singaporean, i wanted to re-affirm that special identity so i joined in the 'sensually fervent' pledge taking in the comfort of my home.

singapore. a little red dot with big hopes and dreams as quoted by our PM. maybe for a small minortiy, singaporeans do have big dreams and goals. some wanted to achieve on a personal level and some for the country.i'm sure u guys have read it in the papers about the many aspiring sportsmen and women alike, wanting to climb the highest mountains or break a world record etc... just like the recent 26year old student who attempted the English channel swim. when he completed, he pointed to the singapore flag and exclaimed that he did it for Singapore. he got the courage. he dared to dream and he made it. Congrats, PJ!

in the N-day message, PM has also emphasized his concerns about building a solid and perfect education system, assisting the people with rising medical costs, creating jobs and providing training for the unskilled people, and bringing in more talent for economic growth etc. The government cares. TOO MUCh, some might think and TOO PERFECT also. but how perfect it can be, over a period of time, flaws can be visible. just like harline cracks on the wall. i overheard a smoker complaining in the kopitiam: "aiya, government terok la. this one also cannot, that one also must control. smoking in kopitiam also want to ban.how can? and you know what, the person who came up with this ruling.i saw his son smoking." How ironic. frankly, it all boils down to each and every individual to ponder or fend for their thoughts, actions or initiatives. government can only do that much. but consider 'that much' of work they have done, bear in mind afterall YOU decide how you can make things work for yourself. individual or cohesive effort?

and talking about tolerance level, irregardless of race, language or religion as what our pledge commands, a minority of singaporeans are still far off from what they pledge. because racists talks are dominant and on the rise in a company populated with more chineses over the malays or indians.if the malays can tolerate the 'ashes' flying around in the air during this month, i'm sure the chineses can also tolerate the 'call of the prayer' too though, undeniably, the frequency is higher than that of yours. maybe adults would excuse themselves because they no longer need to pledge this anymore during morning assemblies. if not for the annual affair of reaffirming your identity and love for your country, i think it would soon be deemed forgotten by many. so much for a 'one united people'.

back to my own portfolio.this year, a second time for me.together with my other colleagues,we have to participate in a national day observance jointly organised by the three major network transport companies in s'pore as an effort to commemorate the nation's independence day. this year, i wasnt quite looking forward to the day. i had the intention to take mc on that day. i would briefly explain that participants consists of many personnel from different departments and different subsidiaries. like last year, he participated in this national day observance too. we had to sit in a chartered bus heading for the stadium. he was seated next to his most beloved and favourite neighbour. and worse still, they were seating behind me. i was with another colleague. this year, i would be alone. and i dread going through pangs of poignant isolation growing day by day as my relationship with my colleagues soured... i do not want to go through any 'sour grape' feeling or witness any actions or moments that i might be 'isolated' from the group.thank God. i got another meeting to attend elsewhere. a big sigh of relief!

Disclaimer: this blog is not 'racist-tested'. and no personal attacks against race, religion whatsoever.

almost there...

The weekend is going to be over soon. in a couple of hours. and the rest of the night is to spent to sleep away the rest of the sunday. and that dreaded workplace would be the very first spot i hit when dawn breaks...

saturday came.i skipped my exercise regime. guessed i was totally burn out throughout the week, thus the lethargic momentum hits me so badly that i slept through till 1100hours on saturday. first thing i did after i washed up was to rummage through the whole refridgerator to find food for my famished soul but nothing found. went down to get food but nothing much was left. at this point, i just felt that even if you have plenty of money, you still cant cure your hunger. what does this tell you? money cant do wonders all the time.

a call came in about 1300hours asking to meet some friends from HK. was actually quite tired and sleepy but still dragged myself out. mingled around with them. there were some Pakistanis who could speak very fluent cantonese. Impressive! took photos with them, and exchanged email address to keep in touch. then i left for the market to get some necessities. when it was about time, i took a bus to a convert's friend place for dinner and movies. she cooked japanese ramen with lots of vegetables. there was red, green, beige colours. really appetising. and i mistook the fish slices as garlic. haha. and i actually picked them out and left them at the side of the plate. she might have thought i was a fussy girl. haha. and the strange thing was i had lots of fish bone in the plate of noodles while she had none?? we watched 'The Message' and then she had this brilliant idea of hoping that some great directors could bring this to the big screen again, especially in times when the second largest religion in the world is greatly misunderstood by many and its reputation is at stake. its a great story. just like troy and kingdom of heaven.

today i skipped my exercise again. but i was awaken by Linus* at 1000hours.you thought it was a breakfast call? fat hope. woke up feeling famished again. wanted to cook brunch but was only left with chicken hotdogs. the feeling is great when you can slack at home so i continued with my reading. ironing. spring cleaning. the only plan i had was to go to MacDonald's for twister fries. ain't i behaving like a kid? i know i'm not, because i ain't interested in any Happy Meal (:

the numbers have gone down although i did saw at least 5 on saturday itself. but on sunday, i have been staying at home all day, i'm pretty safe from seeing too much F.M. but i guess without the cars, there's still the 'voice' in the MP3 which i had no choice but to hear, the sms-es in my phone which i cant resist and the memories that were triggered from reading them. anyway, i could feel that i'm much better now compared to the day of 8/7 when it happened. Happier. perhaps i'm coming to terms about having to face this test decreed upon me.

a test of faith perhaps?