Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Thank you bloggers' buddies!

Thank you all bloggers' (Shan and Fatihah) !! Thank you thank you! You all have been most kind to give the moral support and encouragement. the healing process would be alot easier with having you people around... *Mmmuuacckss*

consolation words had been pouring in since i blogged out my sad love story. i had friends whom i neva met concerned about me. what about Linus*? where have he been?

18 Jan 06. etched in my memory. including all that we have gone through. locked up inside my head.. getting it removed is hard because of the amount of time spent and the accumulation of memories we had together. on 18 Jan, this very day, i saw a vehicle with his initials on it and i saw many many Ford Ms around. the numbers neva went down even though i have stopped looking at cars travelling on the road.

Since 18 Jan 06, Linus* had repeatedly told me that all this that happened wasnt simply what he could foresee or plan in advance. with God's will, we need to accept that anything that He wills to happen, nothing can change it. and this fact of us not coming together as a couple testifies that God has the power to will what He wants and what He doesnt want.

I'm a muslim. i truly believe that God has powers none could mimic or possess. i truly believe that if He wills it, no one could stop Him.

Now I wonder has he heard my prayers? i prayed every day hoping that Linus* could be with me through God's blessings. but this isn't happening and i still haven't got over it. Do i really have to resign to what He has already planned? if He had better plans for me, did He also plan that i had to take on such burden of hearing those sad parting words from Linus*?

Since 18 Jan 06, i had been going round and round circles, thinking whether am i wrong not to accept what God has willed? sometimes i really dont feel like accepting. is this sinful?

i hear a voice shouting within: "I dun wanna accept God's will. i dun wanna accept that He has taken him away from me."

i simply cant get myself out from this black pit hole.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Resolute or resolve?

Courtesy from Webster's New World Pocket Dictionary:

Resolute: firm, determined. resolutely.

Resolve: 1.decide 2. solve 3. to change.

Thanks for the contributions, LadyLee and Spongebib. Now its my turn. the reason for me introducing the meanings of the abovementioned words has a significant purpose in determining how determined i am to understand how resolutions work.

Does resolutions come from the word resolute? i ponder....

if that's the case, i would live to say that i would only resolve to do the following:
1. not to be too sensitive when Linus* reacts to me indifferently.
2. stop myself from asking too many emotional questions fearing that he will give me the cold shoulder again.
3. to be a better friend/pal/buddy for Linus* to rely on (if my wish of being his girlfriend fails)

And, i would resolutely say that;
1. i want to be a better muslim, adhering to the 'way of life' as close as i can.
2. to earn opportunities for myself to gain more islamic knowledge.
3. to encourage my mentor to join in for classes so that i could get additional assistance and motivational support in my search of the truth in islam.
4. improving relations at home and with the people around me through the knowledge i gain from islam.

God wills. as Muslims called it, Insya Allah.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

what's in for 2006?

Guys and Gals,

We've entered 3 days into 2006? Betcha you have already come up with a thousand and one resolutions for the new year yeah?

Care to share?

I'm still thinking about it though... perhaps meanwhile someone could take a shot at it?

A start of a new year also mean that i gotta say some thanks to certain people around me that brought me this far... still going through...

anyone wanna start the ball rolling??