the egg story

if i had a decent PC where i can upload pixs, i would definitely show u guys what happened to my egg... anyway it's not my 1st time okay, i'm not that lousy!!

since Linus* left, i had less one dinner companion. so one evening i came back home after work, bought a half dozen of eggs and decided to cook a packet of tom yam maggi for myself. unknowingly, my mummy had left over porridge and so i had to 'make use' of the left over as my dinner. and since there wasnt much choice of dishes left, i decided to mix 2 eggs together and fry them. tom yam mission had to be abandoned. *sad*

after i poured in a small teaspoon of oil, i waited for it to get heated up. then i poured in the egg mixture.and i covered the pot. a while later i came back for it and turned it over. it was still alright. i covered back and scooped up my porridge and the vegetables from the other pot. i went back to my fried eggs and saw that it was okay liao. i turned off the flame and covered it back. lazy characteristics occupied more areas in my blood, hence i left half of what i fried inside the pot, while i took the other half out.

unfortunately,due to my laziness, the egg got burnt inside and created a 'burning' smell in the kitchen. my mum started nagging at me. nag nag nag and nag... i let her nag but occassionally, i kept defending myself. at one point of time, i said; " Ok ok". and SNAP! She gave me this angry look and continued nagging at me, now in a different tone. she said i didnt allow her to let her correct me which actually i did. i only wanted to cut short the nagging that's all.

so that was it, our little cold war started and only ended after 2 days then we kinda resume back to 'friendly skies'... ironically, it was AN EGG that caused all this commotion. of course, lessons were learnt la.

1. never to repeat such an act again.
2. that however, the nagging would continue after 15mins, i need to bear with it for another 15mins.
3. that i should at least choose something more creative than 'an egg' to stir up such a commotion. maybe some 'kangkong' or 'kailan' next time since she's a vegetarian.

good nite folks.

One year anniversary as a new born...

In the Islamic calendar of year 1427, 10th Muharram which is today.... is exactly ONE YEAR into my conversion as a new born Muslim!!!

as my blog address implies, today is my birthday!!!

Happy birthday to MYSELF!!!!!!

besides telling you people that it's my birthday, there are also other major significant events that happened during the Prophet (s.a.w) era.

it has been a year. only a year but so many things have happened. and so many things have changed due to my conversion. there's so many things i wanna say but i dun have the time... becoz here i am sitting infront of a PC that belongs to a place where internet surfing is chargeable. haha... so lame rite?

instead of finding company to have a nice chat over dinner, here i am alone in an internet cafe. how pathetic..... the only person i hope to have dinner with was my mentor BUT BUT BUT....my mentor has desserted me for his P.E.S.L with his girlfriend. long goneeeeeee.

Goneeeeee with theeeee winddddddd............ whewwww...........

Last year i had a chance to let an ustaz to be one of my witness through a female chinese convert. she said that if i need a witness, i could call her and get them down to my conversion. but becoz my mentor had already called his fren, i wasn't sure if it was okay to take up ustaz's invitation. if only i had made proper decisions on my own (if i knew how to then), i wud still have a ray of light/hope to having someone to guide me on this path as a new convert. (i'm still considered new rite?)

previously, my mentor was already spending lesser and lesser time to coach me due to his packed schedule. and the other witness was someone i wasn't familiar with in the first place. so now, since the two witness have done their 'disappearing act' way before i touched one year, i've got to find teachers myself so that i won't get lost and be 'kidnapped' by shaytan.

i noe it's not an easy path to travel on especially when i'm all alone. just have to look out for 'boogie traps' along the way.

First CNY as a *chinese*muslim

The reason why i emphasized the word 'chinese' is because i had this experience of talking to a fellow chinese old man, about me not being able to celebrate CNY because i've converted. i got a little worked up that day. despite telling him that race has got nothing to do with my conversion and I am WHO I am, he still insist that i cant celebrate. Madness. anyway, let's forgive him. he doesnt know that much.

3 days of CNY celebration is finally OVER... sigh... 6 more hours i'll be back to work... 6 more hours and i'm still awake. i'll look like a panda bear tomorrow. here's a round up to what have i been doing these 3 days of CNY:

Epilogue: Last year before CNY, i was still a non muslim but was already 80% practising the religion with the help of my mentor. practising mean i've learnt to cover myself with appropriate attire and abstaining myself from non halal food at all times even how tempting it may be. not many people within my relatives zone know about this.

28th (Eve of CNY) : went to my aunt's place for reunion. since now even my aunt know about it already, she got for me some fish items for steamboat. cant guarantee for the chicken so i decided to avoid it althogether. better be safe than sorry. though i know the utensils arent that clean but i've got no choice leh... make do lor...

29th (1st day) : went out quite late becoz brother didnt wake up early. first house we went was my grandma's place. got 4angpows from just one place. then we proceeded to my mother's grandma place. this place consists of many brothers and sisters and their families plus their kids. it's a very crowded place. biggest place of angpow collection. collected more than a dozen from here. but on my mind wasnt about collecting angpows. i'm already quite old. feeling quite 'malu' collecting for 20 odd years liao, people will start asking why havent got boyfriend. my worries were not being able to perform my prayers!! around 4plus, we were summoned to another grandma's place. collected another 4. when i saw time was running out, and since my parents were 'staking out' on the gambling table, i said a white lie and told them that i wanna go central and meet friend. so this was it, i sneaked out to pray asar and magrib at a nearby mosque.

30th (2nd day) : everybody woke up late today. and gues what, we left house around five and i got to pray my asar at home. i was very happy. don't have to worry about finding a place to pray. after visiting my dad's sister place, we went back to my aunt's place again. i liked this place because i get to pray but on the other hand, sometimes i cant help but doubt the quality requirement of the food tat has to be consumed.

31st (3rd day) : after i finished my zuhur prayers, i left for my friend's place at sengkang. i got lots of shocking faces when i turned up with my tudung. not much questions were asked about the reason for conversion but i know after i leave, people would talk. they cant speculate that i would get married soon because my bubble of love just burst! after that, i rushed off for another colleague's house at sengkang too. stayed there for less than an hour and we left. i didnt had any place to go so i headed for a mosque near my house for my asar, magrib and isyak prayers. i had a terrible day today. can't help but feeling sad when i think about Linus* again. cried during my prayers again (since zuhur till isyak). wanna sought help from my mentor but he's just like Linus*, also busy with girlfriend liao.

Enough said about Linus*.

though i may not know how long i would take to climb out from this hole but i hope i can recover soon. Hope that God will guide me and forgive me for whatever evilish or undesirable thoughts that i've harboured arising from this test that He had decreed upon me..

Thank you bloggers' buddies!

Thank you all bloggers' (Shan and Fatihah) !! Thank you thank you! You all have been most kind to give the moral support and encouragement. the healing process would be alot easier with having you people around... *Mmmuuacckss*

consolation words had been pouring in since i blogged out my sad love story. i had friends whom i neva met concerned about me. what about Linus*? where have he been?

18 Jan 06. etched in my memory. including all that we have gone through. locked up inside my head.. getting it removed is hard because of the amount of time spent and the accumulation of memories we had together. on 18 Jan, this very day, i saw a vehicle with his initials on it and i saw many many Ford Ms around. the numbers neva went down even though i have stopped looking at cars travelling on the road.

Since 18 Jan 06, Linus* had repeatedly told me that all this that happened wasnt simply what he could foresee or plan in advance. with God's will, we need to accept that anything that He wills to happen, nothing can change it. and this fact of us not coming together as a couple testifies that God has the power to will what He wants and what He doesnt want.

I'm a muslim. i truly believe that God has powers none could mimic or possess. i truly believe that if He wills it, no one could stop Him.

Now I wonder has he heard my prayers? i prayed every day hoping that Linus* could be with me through God's blessings. but this isn't happening and i still haven't got over it. Do i really have to resign to what He has already planned? if He had better plans for me, did He also plan that i had to take on such burden of hearing those sad parting words from Linus*?

Since 18 Jan 06, i had been going round and round circles, thinking whether am i wrong not to accept what God has willed? sometimes i really dont feel like accepting. is this sinful?

i hear a voice shouting within: "I dun wanna accept God's will. i dun wanna accept that He has taken him away from me."

i simply cant get myself out from this black pit hole.

Resolute or resolve?

Courtesy from Webster's New World Pocket Dictionary:

Resolute: firm, determined. resolutely.

Resolve: 1.decide 2. solve 3. to change.

Thanks for the contributions, LadyLee and Spongebib. Now its my turn. the reason for me introducing the meanings of the abovementioned words has a significant purpose in determining how determined i am to understand how resolutions work.

Does resolutions come from the word resolute? i ponder....

if that's the case, i would live to say that i would only resolve to do the following:
1. not to be too sensitive when Linus* reacts to me indifferently.
2. stop myself from asking too many emotional questions fearing that he will give me the cold shoulder again.
3. to be a better friend/pal/buddy for Linus* to rely on (if my wish of being his girlfriend fails)

And, i would resolutely say that;
1. i want to be a better muslim, adhering to the 'way of life' as close as i can.
2. to earn opportunities for myself to gain more islamic knowledge.
3. to encourage my mentor to join in for classes so that i could get additional assistance and motivational support in my search of the truth in islam.
4. improving relations at home and with the people around me through the knowledge i gain from islam.

God wills. as Muslims called it, Insya Allah.

what's in for 2006?

Guys and Gals,

We've entered 3 days into 2006? Betcha you have already come up with a thousand and one resolutions for the new year yeah?

Care to share?

I'm still thinking about it though... perhaps meanwhile someone could take a shot at it?

A start of a new year also mean that i gotta say some thanks to certain people around me that brought me this far... still going through...

anyone wanna start the ball rolling??

true meaning of Christmas...

Have anyone of you ever wondered how did this Xmas day come about? if it derives from the birth of Jesus Christ, does it mean that only Christians celebrate? but unlikely not... people or rather believers of other faiths do join in the fun of exchanging prezzies (i was one of them too)... the fun based on the philosophy of giving and sharing, or passing around love to the people around you...

and this year marks a different identity for me. so i'm leaving Xmas out. no xmas cards, no prezzies and no parties... it's not a sad thing, and it doesnt mean that i've stopped loving, giving or sharing... without xmas, i'm still doing it 24/7 (except when i'm sleeping though!) skipping xmas it's also a good opportunity to save loads of money on cards and postages. but i think i can still use up the remaining cards from last year... hmmm... nope i can't... too late for that liao...

except that i had to prepare 5 presents because 3 were my colleagues and 2 others were my class mates. i didnt prepare any xmas gifts for Linus* this year. ever since last year preparation for his xmas present, i've kinda exhausted all ideas on what to give him. i gave him all sorts of vouchers (with stored value r and its redeemable @ anytime) for all kinds of scenarios. to date, i couldnt recall if he ever used them. perhaps he thinks that they are useless and childish, ignoring the fact that i realli realli thought about this whole thing for so long...

anyway, i spent my christmas eve, half day at work and another half day outside alone. in a less crowded sub urban area. then around evening, i popped by my friend's shop. the guy was there not long after i arrived. wondered if anyone sent him a mail that i was here. after browsing at her new arrivals, i prepared for prayers. thereafter i went for religious classes with my friends at lavender street..

today,i stayed at home all day long... except when i went out to the coffeeshop to get chicken wings. finally got the chance to dine with my brother because he's HOME. we didnt talk much because our eyes were glued to the TV.

well, christmas to me now seems just like a normal day, passing by me in a blink of my eyes...
but i can still wish the readers of this boring blog;

Merry Christmas and more importantly, have a Great New Year in 2006!!!

Post D&D updates...

Phew!! The dinner&dance didnt turn out as scary as i imagined. Thank God, i wasn't the odd looking one in the entire ballroom. there were other employees who didnt dressed up as directed. and as me and my other colleagues were waiting for the doors to be opened again (because we were late) we saw some dressed to kill, and some dressed to win the 'Best Dressed Table' for the night... There was Flintstones, South African tribe, the Red indians, the Safaris people etc... they really wore the attire that the Flintstones wore!! sorry guys, no digicam yet. no photos to upload for you to see...

i was given a muslim table. and was seated with several other people whom i dont know which department were they from. nope my colleague wasnt seating with me. and because i was late, the only seat left was facing the door and the stage was behind me. when i got seated, they looked at me as though i was an alien. i ignored the stares and decide to enjoy the performances. the sales presentation was very long and my stomach was growling with hunger. my colleauge told me that there was an empty seat at her table but i told her that i need to stay here a little longer because i was very hungry. and guess what, when i was almost done filling my stomach, she had left with her boyfriend.

so i stayed on for the lucky draw. the prizes were enormous and attractive. the Flintstones won the big prize of $3888 cash prize for the Best Dressed table. the top three prizes were trips overseas with a few thousand dollars for shopping... and the Grand prize was a trip for 2 to Paris with $3000 spending power! oh no, i didnt get anything from there.

after the lucky draw, most of the employees left... maybe the party animals stayed... though there was no prize for me, but at least i managed to enjoy a sumptuous 7 course dinner.

Pre dinner and dance blues

Update!!!

Work is still as busy... stress is piling up... the hours of sleep needing to make up is accumulating day by day... sometimes i find myself asking this question: "do i really have to work so hard to get this much of money?but i'm not commanding a high post or a high salaried job?" i hope when things slowed down, there's time to take a break before i get posted to another project site...

Personal life... didnt get better... though i'm working near where Linus* stays, we still couldnt meet up as often. this used to bug me alot but as work tolls me away, i don't have the time to think about such matters anymore. i mean i still think about it (literally) but lesser frequency... haha... there were kind and concerned souls leaving comments, suggesting that i have a talk with him. thanks folks, this method has been tried and tested. It didnt work on him! i've tried many ways but all failed. perhaps its a sign to give up hope and let go... maybe it's the issue of being 'something different'... i realli dun know...

On the lighter side of life, islamic classes on thursdays are still as interesting as ever. ustaz had listed down close to 80 types of enormities to avoid... i went WOWwww.... wow, not because i'm fascinated but 'wowdering' how to avoid them... i dont consider myself as an exemplary muslim (as yet) but i'm trying hard working on it. well, not to Show Off definitely but just for my good old sake... i'll be looking forward to the next class, whereby he would be elaborating on all the enormities that he has given...

tomorrow is our company's dinner and dance. being a new employee of this co, no matter what, you have to make known your attendance otherwise your bosses will 'mark' you and brand you 'anti social'. true or not? it's a SURVIVOR theme and i'm not going there in any greenish make up or camo attire. simply 'borrowing' the colours of the theme by wearing a green and brownish scarf i borrowed from my friend, a green jacket i bought online from my friend's junk shop and my kaki-coloured pants. TahDa!!! the last thing on my mind is not to be the odd one out in the entire ballroom. that would be the scariest and most hatted moments if that's gonna happen!

I think the best consolation would be looking forward to the food.... Oopss, i hope i didnt sound like a glutton...

catching up...

Its been almost a month since i started on this new job. so many things have changed ever since i took up this job offer. i can't surf or blog as often as i could the last time i was with my previous company, times where i could knock off on the dot and dont have to work OT or worry a single bit about work, and i don't get so much of pressures from customers.

well, its not that i couldnt handle the stress... i'm not alone. my colleagues are suffering at times too... the only consolation is that we have one another to pour out our woes and anger. we would sometimes laugh at one another about the way we handle their problems. they would start cursing or swearing at their customers, well, err hemm... me, as a muslim, cursing and swearing vulgarities would be the last thing on my mind. but actually, it shouldnt exist at all. The furthest i've gone would just be: " Irritating/Sickening piece of S*&??!! " Ooopsss... i know this shouldnt happen. everytime, i would quickly ask for God's forgiveness...

and that swift and prompt response i've developed seemed to be working when i'm performing my prayers regularly... but i've realised that my indecent language resulted in the 5days off i've taken due to M.N. Oh my dear God, please help me............. and my colleague as well... and yeah, i've got another muslim colleague. she's a Capital M muslim. a Modern era one. no prayers. no tudung. menu 60% halal only. and vulgarities are common. i'm not picking on her but rather she has my sympathies. why? because of all the above + she wasnt supportive of the religion that she was born with.

so this afternoon, i was pissed off (to the brink of going nuts) by an owner. after hanging up the line, i couldnt control and went F*%&. my other female chinese colleague heard and told my malay colleague. she laughed and then told me to take out my tudung because i sweared. I quickly prayed to God in silence asking for forgiveness. i didnt mean it but i just couldnt take it!!!!! Previously, she also told me not to wear my tudung to a Dinner&Dance. i dont know why she would say that but i sincerely prayed to God that she would return back to shore soon.... the reason why i tell you this serves as a reminder to others if you heed the advice...

as for myself, i need to practise more self-constraint....... cant let this happen anymore!!

Great finds in the library

I always have this thought in my mind.

"How would the library ever survive and still continue to bring in new books, and the libraries are also becoming bigger and better when books are rented out free to ALMOST every singaporean?"

this question has bugged me ever since i became a young and loyal bookworm of a library located near my house. i remembered i used to own many books, i began to start out a 'rental service' to my fellow young neighbours who wanted to borrow my books. i became a librarian in the neighbourhood on the 8th of my HDB estate. i didnt know why but the interest was there to play many many games with your fellow mates and the usual ones had already began to bore me so i decided to set up a library in my home. my parents home actually.

when i grew up, i think i would relate the libraries survival would probably be due to the fact that it's under government funding. i still haven't got any proof but i think i'm more likely correct.

ever since my interest in islam grew, one of the reasons of visiting the library was to find some good books about islam. and amazingly, the books i saw were of good material and content. they were informative and useful. some books also covered basic understanding of the religion which are relatively important when everyone now has misunderstood islam.

last week, i borrowed 3 books from the library. one of it was intended for my mum. because the book covered basic questions about the concept of islam and terrorism. but unfortunately, after i had finished with it, i was left with 8days to let her finish. hurrily, i left a note and placed it together with the book, telling her to read in her leisure. but i noticed that she had left it untouched for several days. as the due was approaching, i took the book back. the next day, she asked me for the book because she said she was beginning to be less busy. Hahaa... i told her i had to get it back because i was afraid of leaving that out when i had to return the books on time.

when i returned the books back one day later, i saw another book titled 'world faiths: Islam' displayed in the 'NEW' section. decided to borrow that for my mum again. that book was great too because it has more pictures and covers more topics than the previous one, in a more positive manner.

too bad, the library doesnt do any trade in or selling of their books. i enjoyed this particular book so i kept renewing. i wonder if binding and recopying of the whole book is allowed or not??

Long and peaceful dinner

This opportunity was hard to come by. ever since i embarked on this new job, i think to have an opportunity to have a long peaceful and enjoyable dinner with Linus* would be like a dream come true to me.

i made an arrangement with my previous co to hand over my duties to the new staff, henceforth i could knock off from work ON TIME. so that explains the reason i could meet Linus* for dinner. i told myself that i would really love to have a lengthy dinner where we could chat longer. (on other occassions, it was like a 'chop chop' sessions)

after our individual committments, we decided to have a sumptuous dinner at swensens. and i told him i would treat him. but unfortunately, the place that we went was down with car park problems so we had a change of plans : PizzaHut. when we reached the restaurant, we quickly decided on the set meal which cost about 23.95dollars. it consisted of two soups, two drinks, a salad and a regular size pizza. we ordered an additional side of criss cross fries with salsa sauce. after ordering he asked me what was the occassion that calls for the treat, i said nothing la, just felt an urge to have a good dinner. (but inside my heart, this would actually so-called bribe him in giving me more time to spent with him) you know what, coffeeshop meals are so fast. once you finish, chop chop, you go home. good bye. good night. so boring right? at least places that pizzahut or swensens has a better ambience. i wouldnt mind paying if i can get to spend more time with him. you may think i'm foolish, but this foolishness might wear off soon. i think. if his attitude towards me is still..... hmmm...

anyway, it was a fruitful treat. a good dinner. and a fulfilling one. we ate and savoured it slowly. like as though making every cent spend worthwhile. not wasting a single mm of cheese on the pan... haha...

how i wished if all dinners forthcoming would be that long and worthwhile... weekdays are impossible since there isnt much time. weekends are even HIGHLY IMPOSSIBLE since i'm not up to his standard to be able to cater for weekend slots in his timetable...

nevertheless, i'm keeping my fingers crossed... (:

Walking advertisement

So here i am. in a challenging job environment when everything that has to be learnt comes from an industry i could never imagine that i would be landing myself in.

Of course i'm positive towards these new challenges, though by nature i had been quite a pessimist so it had been really a tough week out there. having less than a week to pick up all the new terms in the construction field and learning how to provide solutions in a 'customer orientated' manner viz-a-viz through their defects. it's as though, in order to get into the good books of the owners, many things have to be rectified and correctly changed according otherwise, you will get lots of pressurizing stuff from them...

So in my new job, i get to clad myself in tudung. i wanted it and it really happened! so here i am : a chinese muslim who is unable to speak Malay. but becuase of the tudung, i was mistaken as a Malay by many, in hundreds by now...

i didnt want to let them know that i'm a chinese by birth, not because i'm ashamed to be one but i thought that it would be better in a way that i can get to hear things which they didnt want us to hear. wouldnt that be an advantage? heehee... but there were certain occassions i gave myself away because my other chinese colleague had called me and i blurted out some chinese words. and they started asking me; " So are you a chinese or malay?" then i had to explain what's my status etc etc...

People mainly were interested to find out :"why did you convert? how did your parents reacted? and is your husband or boyfriend malay?" There were only two people who were more interested to ask me questions: one was a carpenter and the other was my chinese colleauge. first one being perceptive and the latter being receptive. whatever i told her, she listened attentively and asked serious questions. the carpenter was interested to find out what Islam teaches because he was curious about the recent happenings about the bombings. so i explained to him in chinese, something i never tried before. haahaa, not because i cant speak chinese but my medium of learning had always been English. so it became quite difficult to find the appropriate terms.

but anyway, i would be glad to share the good things about islam, if anyone is interested...

Men in sweat with their green uniform

Can you guess who and what i'm talking about?

Yes, Linus* has gone to serve 4 days of reservist this week. yeah, so during this 4 days, we wont get to have dinner together let alone talk to each other often. he would be stuck in field training, or if not retiring early for the night because he needs to wake up early the next day...

the purpose of me writing this post is because i've suddenly recalled something really funny last year. the same time while he's doing his reservist. i asked him if he sleeps in his bunk half naked like what he did the previous year and he replied me by saying he didnt dare because this year he had extra load of fats on his body and he felt shy sleeping naked, showing off the 'extras'.

I never thought guys would be that vain. or would be that concerned about the 'extra load' on them... but i wish to clarify that doesnt constitute towards the meaning of being a 'sissy' or a faggot. would you gals prefer to see your man fat or thin? i think it's very individualistic right?

and the other funny thing is; even though after all that exercises on the field, he doesnt stink. and he doesnt smell. i actually smelled him when he was near me. haha.. am i a sicko? i missed him la, that's why i just wanna get close to him at any costs. or risk damaging my nose pipe. haha...

last year's reservist was a bit more fun and memorable. this year's might be a little bit quiet.

S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D! ! !

Yup yup... that's how i feel after working in my new job for a week. Yes, it's only a week and i'm really feeling this stress bugging me over the weekend.

the office's ringing tone bug me, my colleague's ringing tone from her phone also haunt me in my sleep.... to tell you what kind of madness goes around at my new work place, kindly hang on there while i try and come home early to update my blog... otherwise, i'll feel that all my posts are pretty cooped up in my head...

that's about it folks... i will edit and update this posting soon... take care....

i'm the newbie in the block

If you would have followed me till this post, you would have remembered that i had mentioned about heading towards a different career direction.

yup yup. i've already left my previous company in the accident vehicle reporting industry. and now i'm in the estate and construction field. not quite the physical term of construction per se, but rather doing customer service in the estate management. heard before?

when i was interviewed for this job, it sounded pretty easy. the job responsibilities dished out had painted quite an incredible image of what the position requires of me. but when i really got myself at the actual site, i was actually taken by surprise.

as the name implies, estate management. yeah, i worked for the developer for residential properties in the customer service department. so the project site is made up of developer, contractor and sub contractors to follow up on the purchaser's defects found in the unit lodged by them after an inspection has been carried out. within the Defect Liability Period, the contractor and the developer has to make good for anything defective found within the condominium itself. that would be at least for 12monhts. so before i came, 2 of my other colleagues were taking charge of at least more than 2towers. and one tower has more than 90units. but of course, not all units had been collected even though every SINGLE UNIT has been SOLD. but nevertheless, the files that they carry had so many defects lists which were still outstanding.... and i was told that when i am almost settled down, i had to take over one tower. that would be about 98 units or so...

for a newbie, that's definitely lots of follow up to rectify so that the units could be wonderfully handed (praying hard) over to the owner before they start suing us for not completing the rectifications on time.

so for the past 2days, there were no such things as being able to knock off on the dot at 6.25pm. everybody works till 7.20 at least. i smell something burning. yeah, not just my weeknights are burned, my saturdays morning to pig out on my bed are burnt too. no la, i wont die because i have to OT but rather i just hope that this would not be an everyday affair. i would have other more important committments to attend to. and that worries me. and people, there's more to tell you about my new job.

stick around... it's getting late so i need to fly off to dreamland....

nitezz..... (=

food, food and more food...

4days of eid celebrations had passed. i spend most of my time with the usual gang of muslim converts that i hang out with. and when i'm at their places, most of us spent so much time infront of the tv, watching SCV channels. they were yakking away about what they saw on this channel and that channel, and the tv remote was at the mercy of the remote controller. different images from one channel to the next were flashing before i even blink my eyes. to them, these channels were like everyday entertainment. but to a non-subscriber of SCV like me, images from MTV, National Geographic or perhaps the Travel & LIving are like gems to me you know. i began to wonder that i am missing out on so many good stuff.....

and i remembered on Sunday, i think i overloaded myself with lots of cookies while watching tv at a friend's place. i couldnt stop myself. popped them in my mouth one after another. the cookies were really delicious. if i didnt had to leave for another house, i might instantly become a couch potato there.... and i unwillingly dragged myself out from there... my appointment was supposed to be at six pm but i only left my friend's place at 5.45pm. it wasnt because of the cookies alone but the company as well....

well, the next house that i went belongs to an ex colleague of mine. she converted and got married to a muslim guy. two kids. not working. so the gathering was made up of ex colleagues from my previous previous job. and many of them brought their kids along. there was alot of noise but the level was still quite manageable. but cookies wasnt that great. the food was very western though. was looking forward to using my hands because after seeing how my mentor ate, i kinda wanna improve on my skills. but i know i'm far from the 'experts'. there was fried beehoon,fried fishball,fried toufu,fried chicken wing... i ate minimal only cause there wasnt anything special served... sorry...

and my attire shocks the entire group of mummies. a buddhist turned muslim. with a tudung on. they thought i was already married. that's explains the tudung attire. after explaining the usual 'curiousity (or security ) questions', they were satisfied with my answers because they have asked what should be asked.

so this is it. on how i spend my eid celebrations. not quite the norm for born muslims. converts stuck in singlehood. this would be how we pass our time. another convert that i knew actually spent his time watching movies alone for 10years during hari raya. maybe next year i can join him too. it's been long since i watched one.

Post Hari Raya celebrations

You would have noticed that this post is already late because i didn't had the time to edit my post...

As i wasnt able to make it for the eid prayers, i slept till late morning. but i didnt want to stay at home for too long because i wanted to go and experience the hari raya mood out there. so i prepared myself quickly and set out. only to realise that my ONE AND ONLY appointment for the day starts after 2pm. okay, and i was out since 12pm.

i took a bus to compass point. and when i reached there, it was barely 1pm. so i went to Macdonalds to pass time. since i was hungry as well, i bought an extra value meal to satisfy my hunger. i spent timeless efforts to eat as slowwwlyyy as possible... i was stared at many times, making me wonder whether has my fasting month has really ended? and it was also an odd scenario because it seemed that i was the only Muslim woman in the whole restaurant... while everyone is busy preparing for their eid celebrations at home.

my friend only came at about 5pm to meet me. during the time, i wandered around the mall aimlessly. haha.... i bought a new flavoured bottle of coca cola with added lime.. not so nice actually. maybe because not icy-cold enough, cant really taste the lime. when i reached my FIRST invitation, other converts' brothers were already there. instead of attacking the food, i attacked the 'raya biscuits' because this is the time where you can really find some cool biscuits... YummYy... stayed at my friend's place till 8pm because i had nowhere else to go. then they decided to visit another brother. i tagged along because i wanna join in the crowd and be part of this atmosphere. when we reached the other place, everybody started eating again. i joined in too although i wasnt that hungry because i saw sambal prawns, chicken and KETUPAT.... FavOuriTe #@$% i went home early and the rest continued with their night tour...

the 2nd day of hari raya, i went to the library in the morning. Yes, THE LIBRARY. strange right?? after staying there for about 2hours, my stomach growled and i left for parkway for lunch at BK. i wandered around the mall AGAIN.... when it was almost time, i took a bus to Bishan to meet an ex colleague. we chatted from 6.30pm to almost 9pm. it came as a surprise because this was our first and the last meeting as colleagues from our previous company. and we never had lunch together before!!! but we managed to talk alot.

that was how i spend the first 2 days of hari raya. it might not be as fantastic and jam packed as the muslims who spend it with their families but i'm looking forward to better hari raya celebrations in the future.

Hope you had enjoyed your Eid celebrations! (:

eve of Eid Mubarak

I was seriously anticipating the end of Ramadan and the arrival of Hari Raya Puasa. (this festival marks the celebration of successfully completed our fasting month, not the muslims' new year okay?)

The day before yesterday, there were some signs of AV*. i was frantically calling out to God to delay it but i guessed mother nature still decide to appear anyway. terribly disappointed. not only i had to pay back more when i skipped fasting, i couldnt go out to perform my much-awaited Eid-Adil-fitri prayers.

Aaarrrgggghhh.... i'm really feeling disappointed why did it have to be so accurate. and besides this mother nature thingy, there's another thing i'm feeling quite sad about.

i realised that since i can't go near any mosque to hide, i've NOWHERE ELSE TO GO on HARI RAYA PUASA. ssShhaarkss... while everyone will be with their families out on the streets with their matching 'baju kurung', i would be isolated.....

am i really gonna be ALONE tomorrow?

the LONELINESS TRICKLES INTO MY BRAIN SLOWLY....... EATING UP PARTS OF MY BRAIN.... DESTROYING MY HAPPY CELLS THAT RAMADAN IS OVER....

ALONE.... ONE PERSON.... LONELY.......

Is that how a convert without a partner has to go through the first year; the phase of loneliness?? hmm... i'll make the best out of my loneliness. (= okay, i'm gonna make my own plans now. before i go, here's wishing the non-muslim and muslim readers:

Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya Puasa Adil-fitri and Eid Mubarak to all!!!!!

to love or to be loved?

Does love really make you blind and oblivious to everything people think its bad and in your eyes, you only see good in your loved one and the bad stuff were insignificant? is that what you call 'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'?

how far would you go to make your loved one happy?when you know that the fruit that he likes is hanging on a ten foot tree and you are only 5 foot tall and you would try ways and means to get it because that would make him happy. or that the person that you love can only treat you like a friend, and to make him happy, you had to pretend like there's only space for friendship.

to love or to be loved? i think every woman would desire to be loved. because when you are being loved, you are definitely being pampered by your man. and if your man loves you more than you love him, ahh... wouldn't that totally make you feeling so secure, knowing for sure only you occupies a space in his heart. what i mean is the treatment is just different. but if you happen to become the person chasing after someone you love, that's a totally different feel. you would feel terrible if the person doesnt reciprocate your feelings. you would feel despondent if that person doesnt answer your calls or messages. you will feel terribly lonely when you try to date that person and you get rejected. i have those kind of feelings before. i dont know about you,my fellow readers and bloggers. you need to be in the tick of action to understand what i write here.

i pursue what i love and who i want to love. and that is why the frequencies of 'to love' is higher than 'being loved'. the funny thing is when there are opportunities of getting myself 'to be loved', the chemistry just doesnt strike. so a chance is missed. but there are many prevailing advantages to pursuing who you want to love. and there are of course the down sides too.

my friends have ever told me that whoever that i love will be very fortunate. because i would treat my man like a king. pamper him like a king. shower him with tender loving care. and would only give the best of what i can provide. yeah, that's me. but pampering like that doesnt ensure that your man would faithfully stay by your side. can you keep men by your side with all of the above? would that be sufficient enough?

what's your take on LOVE, this very amazing blind potion?