How much do u know?

Enough of football right?

I wanted to blog and share some knowledge of what i've gathered from my classes to everybody but because i've delayed my 'blog posting' , hence my mind now is in a blank.

And furthermore, my PC is blinking away. macam it is going to die on me soon... I really can't wait to get a new PC for myself...

Oh btw, i hope to implement some changes for myself about the way i present my thoughts here.
Got to write lesser of sad stuff, Linus* stuff, goondu and silly stuff, more of inspirational or events i would love/need to remember stuff etcc... so actually, i've edited some posts previously... esp of Linus* since that chapter is already closed....

i'll be back soon folks!!!

Celebrate Victory!

RAFA TARGETTING FA CUP GLORY IN MAY Mark Platt 21 March 2006

Rafael Benitez spoke of his burning desire to see Liverpool lift the FA Cup in May as he basked in the glory of the club's emphatic 7-0 quarter-final victory over a beleaguered Birmingham City at St Andrews.

The Reds romped to their all-time record away win in the competition thanks to goals from Sami Hyypia, Peter Crouch (2), Fernando Morientes, John Arne Riise, an Oliver Tebily own goal and Djibril Cisse.

They now await Friday's semi-final draw with eager anticipation and a clearly satisfied Benitez said afterwards: "We have already won one cup this season, the Super Cup, and we hope the FA Cup can be the second. "We always want to do well in the cups and this competition is no different. The FA Cup is very important for us. We have confidence and will try to do the same things again in the next round but we have to take one game at a time and see what happens. "I am delighted with the final result and the performance of the players tonight. They worked really hard and it is the first time in my professional career that I have won by seven goals. The players wanted to keep scoring and were determined to keep a clean sheet. "I was particularly pleased with the return of Momo Sissoko. This was really good news for us. He showed great character." Asked if he had any sympathy for his under-fire Birmingham counterpart Steve Bruce, Benitez added: "Games like this are difficult for a manager. I thinkBirmingham worked hard but to start a game and then suddenly find yourself two down after five minutes is never easy. He can be proud of the effort his players put in and I do feel some sympathy."

p/s: Guys up there in the picture, pleaseeee keep up the peak performance against the match with Everton okie?

A day of discoveries

Today I discovered the power of 'taqwa' (consciousness of God). My recent lessons were mostly emphasized on developing taqwa, so that we could attain a level much closer to God. Because the consciousness of God in our self isn't just about thinking of Him when u deem u need help but consciously, effortlessly and constantly, every single thing that you do, you Remembers Him. He is everywhere. and He is closer than man's jugular vein. He also tells us that when we call out to Him in prayers, He hears and He answers.

as we all know, sometimes work carries us far far away from the remembrance of God, but if we practise 'taqwa', no matter how busy you are, God should always be constantly remembered. in every single step you take or every stairs you climb, in the back of your mind, you would always remember that God is watching over you. and has knowledge of all your words and actions. and so because i was constantly fed with all those verses from the Quran by the ustaz, i'm beginning to be much more aware of what i think or act. and that every action or thought should be inline with what a muslim should do or should not. very cautious and conscious. knowing of the consequences of incurring the wrath or punishment of God, i was coming quite close in slowly reforming of how i treat others. I'm trying my best becoz maybe i need to kick off some hard core habits.
so now, this is the power of Taqwa. this is the beauty of Islam.

Today is also Linus* birthday. and i think Allah swt sent me a reminder today. about what i did. about what had happened since 2months back... Previously, i had made plans about what to give him for his birthday present. i had also planned a sumptuous date and dinner for him in advance. but Allah decrees that i should lose him way before his birthday comes. Allah decrees that hurtful words should come out from his mouth to tell me that i was never considered becoz no outcome would come out of us since no decisions could be made between us. and there and then he left with someone new by his side. i had a hard time and i struggled through. alhamdulillah (all praise belongs to God) i survived. friendship between us survived through. and we continued keeping in touch. friends had laughed at how foolish i was to 'cling' on him since he had already clarified his position. and i was to stop contacting him at all. i knew i couldnt do it. maybe he could or probably he would. Just One fine day. so am i gonna be thrown aside when he decides to do that act again?

so i met him and passed him his presents. in a huge box. with several surprises inside. a day before his actual birthday of course. (my priority was of course downgraded) he thanked me in millions for my effort. and i replied 'oh, dun mention. you are welcome.' blah blah blah.... then later part of the night, struggling to keep my eyes open, i recorded a stupid video clip of me singing a birthday song for him from the inspiration i got when he first gave me a birthday video clip in 2004. come 0000 hrs, i send out the MMS. no reply. hmmm... okay, he must have fell asleep. so i went to bed as well.

As usual i would send him a sms to ask about his day but he 'suddenly disappeared'. two sms went out. three. No reply. kinda worried at first, so i called him. Phone was ringing but no one picked up. Okay i thought. 3 possibilities.
1. in meeting.
2. didnt hear.
3. with GF.
*most prob, is number 3 possibility*
so of course i stopped sms-ing liao... but later when he replied, he didn't want to answer any single question about where did he go for celebration etc... well, yes he has the right not to reveal and what more, the right to go out with any pretty girl right??

Chapter closed.

She touched my heart

Ever since i began blogging about my stories of my journey in islam, i had received numerous comments on the blog that i've created for this special journey. some were sweet and some were intriguing, and at times sarcastic too. but never mind, it didnt hinder me from writing more...

one or two stayed and the rest were just passer-bys... the max that i did was to link those who seemed interested to make friends with me, with no bounds on race or religion or colour. but never had i come so far as to exchange email address with the people whom i never met till this very recent blog that i created ever since i moved my house from blog.com

well, she's a convert too when she first visited my weblog. i was ecstatic. totally fantastic!! much later, i got hold of her weblog too and i began reading her writings ... and so it got started and we exchanged our stories of conversion. and from her stories that she re-told to me, she touched my heart and moved me to tears. really. i admired her courage. i feel that i got so much to learn from her.

i think i want to meet her. insya allah. if we really meet, 24hours would not be sufficient for us. right??

i have lots and lots of good things to tell you about her but for the meantime, i'm keeping the 'cat in the bag' first since we only exchanged it among ourselves. unless she give permission. but the least i could tell you that she's a got beautiful name and this is her

link

Just right behind you Stevie!!!!

STEVIE: WE HAVE TO WIN ON WEDNESDAY Paul Rogers 13 March 2006

Steven Gerrard believes that nothing less than three points against Fulham on Wednesday night will do for the Reds if Liverpool are to maintain their grip on third place in the Premiership.
Defeat at Highbury on Sunday cut the gap between Liverpool and the Gunners to just eight points but a win against Fulham at Anfield this week could see the Reds restore their 11-point advantage. After the pain of the Highbury loss, the game against Chris Coleman's side is simply one we must win, claims the skipper. - yes, indeed that was yet another heartbreaking and painful match to watch after their defeat against Benfica.

"As captain, I'm deeply disappointed for the supporters," Gerrard said of Liverpool's final ever game at Highbury. "I thought we played a lot better in the second half, but we didn't do enough to win the game. "It's been a disappointing week and now we need a big reaction. We've got Fulham at home and we need to win to ensure we stay in this top four. We've got to get maximum points. There's still a lot to play for. - you better be disappointed Captain Stevie. there's so many supporters all over the world supporting for LiverpoolFC. Pleaseeee motivate your fellow mates in the team.. i would suggest u talk to Rafa, to get Milan Baros back, better still if you need to trade Morientes to get him back. i'm all hands and legs to support your decision.

"We want to reward the fans with the FA Cup and qualify for the Champions League. It's not all doom and gloom, but I need to pick myself and the team up." believes that nothing less than three points against Fulham on Wednesday night will do for the Reds if Liverpool are to maintain their grip on third place in the Premiership. - you better hurry captain!!! We are not gonna let you suffer any humiliation and defeat. no action and talk only just makes the supporters worried about your 3rd place positioning.

Defeat at Highbury on Sunday cut the gap between Liverpool and the Gunners to just eight points but a win against Fulham at Anfield this week could see the Reds restore their 11-point advantage. After the pain of the Highbury loss, the game against Chris Coleman's side is simply one we must win, claims the skipper. - Captain, once again the LFC supporters must say that, we not only must WIN but we DEFINITELY have to WIN!!!!!!!!

time

Its been a long long time since i blogged out here...

How's everyone doin'? Busy?

the reason for my disappearance was due to the fact that i had been so very busy of late. with projects, classes and more classes, catching up with friends etc... so busy that getting home after 11pm is the norm thing nowadays... my mum is questioning my late noshows too... i hope she's not assuming something negative though.

somehow 24hours never seemed enuff, esp when sleep is insufficient. ironically, the hours that i spend sleeping is lesser than what i've spend on working (or is it meant to be like this?) so by the time i get home, after i finished my prayers, i go straight to bed. didnt even read my books. been missing out too much on them. bad... real bad... and i missed blogging too...

i'm sure u people do share the same sentiments. as u grow older, the more responsibilities u carry on ur shoulder, the more things u need to get committed, the lesser time u have for yourself. now that i'm not attached with anyone right now, i've been thinking that prob Linus* is busy with gf most of the times liao. wonder how's everything for the both of them??

whatever it is, i hope everyone who comes to my blog often think about the most cherished people around you... spend time with them, let them know that you cherish and value them (whether is it gf or bf, husband or wife, parents etc). dont let time take them away... i also hope that in the near future, when this project that i'm involved is pretty much settled down, i would have time to accompany my parents often...

if preferably, STOP my mum from going to the temple more often. haha...
that's my ULTIMATE GOAL....

Just the right kind

Today i'm gonna relate a story. an experience which left me quite sad and disappointed.i've always been taught to have a good impression of others and never be judgemental so bear in mind this isn't a stereo-typed version. Its my personal lesson and something i would like to share in view of what the non muslims would think when this scenario happens:

there were a group of colleagues meeting up to have lunch together. it was a mixture of muslims and non muslims and i happened to be one of them. they were gathered at an 'ulu' shopping centre with 2 fast food joints, a hawker which hasnt operate and a food court with only a halal foodstall. they contemplated for 4 minutes, finally deciding on the food court upstairs. while making their way up, unexpectedly another muslim spotted a thai seafood restaurant. everybody including her was pretty excited and started looking at me to seek approval.

i stared at the signages with pictures of the food for 2mins.
a non muslim exclaimed:" see, there's no pork. you can eat the chicken."
the other muslim said: "you can eat prawns, and there's vegetables."
to avoid all the attention, i told them okay okay. just before we stepped in, the waiter at the entrance prompted: 'this is not a halal restaurant.' they nodded and walked in. i suddenly realised that i cannot succumb to such desires of thinking that this restaurant is halal to proceed. i sat down and opened the menu.

one big word appeared: PORK
and i told myself: NO WAY!!!! so i went ahead and tell them to go ahead and i would go buy my own food elsewhere. the muslim said to me; 'the waiter told me that the rest of the items are safe.' hmmm.... when pork is cooked together with rest of the dishes, its safe?? as there were other non muslims around, i didnt want to embarrass her like that but i indirectly told her that it's haram. and she continued anyway... i could also sense that the people around were carrying 'strange looks' at the both of us.

i could see that they are confused. perhaps they would view me as being rigid or extremist while the other muslim was much more flexible with food regulations. would this scenario destroy the originated message to dawah that all muslims should avoid places where pork is cooked???

i didnt laugh at her but somehow i felt sad and disappointed. sad for her and disappointed with myself. previously on another occassion when i went out with her, i actually got carried away and neglected my prayers. i was afraid of letting her wait for me to finish my prayers when i actually should be afraid of Allah for missing my prayers without valid reasons. i didnt set a good example to her. and today, this had to happen. i reprimanded myself for not emphasizing but yet hesistant because i might not be wise enuff to use the correct approach. aarrgghhh....... i hate myself

nonetheless,insya allah i hope that she continues to read the Quran translation i gave her and wake up soon enuff. (put it abruptly) or maybe she could be able to start somewhere by beginning to change her 'haram menu' slowly.

and i remembered what the ustaz always said about people having strange thoughts about this strange religion. i dun know how he phrased it. will tell u guys next week.

sometimes i wish i could find and spend more time with the people 'with the right kind of religious priorities'...

the egg story

if i had a decent PC where i can upload pixs, i would definitely show u guys what happened to my egg... anyway it's not my 1st time okay, i'm not that lousy!!

since Linus* left, i had less one dinner companion. so one evening i came back home after work, bought a half dozen of eggs and decided to cook a packet of tom yam maggi for myself. unknowingly, my mummy had left over porridge and so i had to 'make use' of the left over as my dinner. and since there wasnt much choice of dishes left, i decided to mix 2 eggs together and fry them. tom yam mission had to be abandoned. *sad*

after i poured in a small teaspoon of oil, i waited for it to get heated up. then i poured in the egg mixture.and i covered the pot. a while later i came back for it and turned it over. it was still alright. i covered back and scooped up my porridge and the vegetables from the other pot. i went back to my fried eggs and saw that it was okay liao. i turned off the flame and covered it back. lazy characteristics occupied more areas in my blood, hence i left half of what i fried inside the pot, while i took the other half out.

unfortunately,due to my laziness, the egg got burnt inside and created a 'burning' smell in the kitchen. my mum started nagging at me. nag nag nag and nag... i let her nag but occassionally, i kept defending myself. at one point of time, i said; " Ok ok". and SNAP! She gave me this angry look and continued nagging at me, now in a different tone. she said i didnt allow her to let her correct me which actually i did. i only wanted to cut short the nagging that's all.

so that was it, our little cold war started and only ended after 2 days then we kinda resume back to 'friendly skies'... ironically, it was AN EGG that caused all this commotion. of course, lessons were learnt la.

1. never to repeat such an act again.
2. that however, the nagging would continue after 15mins, i need to bear with it for another 15mins.
3. that i should at least choose something more creative than 'an egg' to stir up such a commotion. maybe some 'kangkong' or 'kailan' next time since she's a vegetarian.

good nite folks.

One year anniversary as a new born...

In the Islamic calendar of year 1427, 10th Muharram which is today.... is exactly ONE YEAR into my conversion as a new born Muslim!!!

as my blog address implies, today is my birthday!!!

Happy birthday to MYSELF!!!!!!

besides telling you people that it's my birthday, there are also other major significant events that happened during the Prophet (s.a.w) era.

it has been a year. only a year but so many things have happened. and so many things have changed due to my conversion. there's so many things i wanna say but i dun have the time... becoz here i am sitting infront of a PC that belongs to a place where internet surfing is chargeable. haha... so lame rite?

instead of finding company to have a nice chat over dinner, here i am alone in an internet cafe. how pathetic..... the only person i hope to have dinner with was my mentor BUT BUT BUT....my mentor has desserted me for his P.E.S.L with his girlfriend. long goneeeeeee.

Goneeeeee with theeeee winddddddd............ whewwww...........

Last year i had a chance to let an ustaz to be one of my witness through a female chinese convert. she said that if i need a witness, i could call her and get them down to my conversion. but becoz my mentor had already called his fren, i wasn't sure if it was okay to take up ustaz's invitation. if only i had made proper decisions on my own (if i knew how to then), i wud still have a ray of light/hope to having someone to guide me on this path as a new convert. (i'm still considered new rite?)

previously, my mentor was already spending lesser and lesser time to coach me due to his packed schedule. and the other witness was someone i wasn't familiar with in the first place. so now, since the two witness have done their 'disappearing act' way before i touched one year, i've got to find teachers myself so that i won't get lost and be 'kidnapped' by shaytan.

i noe it's not an easy path to travel on especially when i'm all alone. just have to look out for 'boogie traps' along the way.

First CNY as a *chinese*muslim

The reason why i emphasized the word 'chinese' is because i had this experience of talking to a fellow chinese old man, about me not being able to celebrate CNY because i've converted. i got a little worked up that day. despite telling him that race has got nothing to do with my conversion and I am WHO I am, he still insist that i cant celebrate. Madness. anyway, let's forgive him. he doesnt know that much.

3 days of CNY celebration is finally OVER... sigh... 6 more hours i'll be back to work... 6 more hours and i'm still awake. i'll look like a panda bear tomorrow. here's a round up to what have i been doing these 3 days of CNY:

Epilogue: Last year before CNY, i was still a non muslim but was already 80% practising the religion with the help of my mentor. practising mean i've learnt to cover myself with appropriate attire and abstaining myself from non halal food at all times even how tempting it may be. not many people within my relatives zone know about this.

28th (Eve of CNY) : went to my aunt's place for reunion. since now even my aunt know about it already, she got for me some fish items for steamboat. cant guarantee for the chicken so i decided to avoid it althogether. better be safe than sorry. though i know the utensils arent that clean but i've got no choice leh... make do lor...

29th (1st day) : went out quite late becoz brother didnt wake up early. first house we went was my grandma's place. got 4angpows from just one place. then we proceeded to my mother's grandma place. this place consists of many brothers and sisters and their families plus their kids. it's a very crowded place. biggest place of angpow collection. collected more than a dozen from here. but on my mind wasnt about collecting angpows. i'm already quite old. feeling quite 'malu' collecting for 20 odd years liao, people will start asking why havent got boyfriend. my worries were not being able to perform my prayers!! around 4plus, we were summoned to another grandma's place. collected another 4. when i saw time was running out, and since my parents were 'staking out' on the gambling table, i said a white lie and told them that i wanna go central and meet friend. so this was it, i sneaked out to pray asar and magrib at a nearby mosque.

30th (2nd day) : everybody woke up late today. and gues what, we left house around five and i got to pray my asar at home. i was very happy. don't have to worry about finding a place to pray. after visiting my dad's sister place, we went back to my aunt's place again. i liked this place because i get to pray but on the other hand, sometimes i cant help but doubt the quality requirement of the food tat has to be consumed.

31st (3rd day) : after i finished my zuhur prayers, i left for my friend's place at sengkang. i got lots of shocking faces when i turned up with my tudung. not much questions were asked about the reason for conversion but i know after i leave, people would talk. they cant speculate that i would get married soon because my bubble of love just burst! after that, i rushed off for another colleague's house at sengkang too. stayed there for less than an hour and we left. i didnt had any place to go so i headed for a mosque near my house for my asar, magrib and isyak prayers. i had a terrible day today. can't help but feeling sad when i think about Linus* again. cried during my prayers again (since zuhur till isyak). wanna sought help from my mentor but he's just like Linus*, also busy with girlfriend liao.

Enough said about Linus*.

though i may not know how long i would take to climb out from this hole but i hope i can recover soon. Hope that God will guide me and forgive me for whatever evilish or undesirable thoughts that i've harboured arising from this test that He had decreed upon me..

Thank you bloggers' buddies!

Thank you all bloggers' (Shan and Fatihah) !! Thank you thank you! You all have been most kind to give the moral support and encouragement. the healing process would be alot easier with having you people around... *Mmmuuacckss*

consolation words had been pouring in since i blogged out my sad love story. i had friends whom i neva met concerned about me. what about Linus*? where have he been?

18 Jan 06. etched in my memory. including all that we have gone through. locked up inside my head.. getting it removed is hard because of the amount of time spent and the accumulation of memories we had together. on 18 Jan, this very day, i saw a vehicle with his initials on it and i saw many many Ford Ms around. the numbers neva went down even though i have stopped looking at cars travelling on the road.

Since 18 Jan 06, Linus* had repeatedly told me that all this that happened wasnt simply what he could foresee or plan in advance. with God's will, we need to accept that anything that He wills to happen, nothing can change it. and this fact of us not coming together as a couple testifies that God has the power to will what He wants and what He doesnt want.

I'm a muslim. i truly believe that God has powers none could mimic or possess. i truly believe that if He wills it, no one could stop Him.

Now I wonder has he heard my prayers? i prayed every day hoping that Linus* could be with me through God's blessings. but this isn't happening and i still haven't got over it. Do i really have to resign to what He has already planned? if He had better plans for me, did He also plan that i had to take on such burden of hearing those sad parting words from Linus*?

Since 18 Jan 06, i had been going round and round circles, thinking whether am i wrong not to accept what God has willed? sometimes i really dont feel like accepting. is this sinful?

i hear a voice shouting within: "I dun wanna accept God's will. i dun wanna accept that He has taken him away from me."

i simply cant get myself out from this black pit hole.

Resolute or resolve?

Courtesy from Webster's New World Pocket Dictionary:

Resolute: firm, determined. resolutely.

Resolve: 1.decide 2. solve 3. to change.

Thanks for the contributions, LadyLee and Spongebib. Now its my turn. the reason for me introducing the meanings of the abovementioned words has a significant purpose in determining how determined i am to understand how resolutions work.

Does resolutions come from the word resolute? i ponder....

if that's the case, i would live to say that i would only resolve to do the following:
1. not to be too sensitive when Linus* reacts to me indifferently.
2. stop myself from asking too many emotional questions fearing that he will give me the cold shoulder again.
3. to be a better friend/pal/buddy for Linus* to rely on (if my wish of being his girlfriend fails)

And, i would resolutely say that;
1. i want to be a better muslim, adhering to the 'way of life' as close as i can.
2. to earn opportunities for myself to gain more islamic knowledge.
3. to encourage my mentor to join in for classes so that i could get additional assistance and motivational support in my search of the truth in islam.
4. improving relations at home and with the people around me through the knowledge i gain from islam.

God wills. as Muslims called it, Insya Allah.

what's in for 2006?

Guys and Gals,

We've entered 3 days into 2006? Betcha you have already come up with a thousand and one resolutions for the new year yeah?

Care to share?

I'm still thinking about it though... perhaps meanwhile someone could take a shot at it?

A start of a new year also mean that i gotta say some thanks to certain people around me that brought me this far... still going through...

anyone wanna start the ball rolling??

true meaning of Christmas...

Have anyone of you ever wondered how did this Xmas day come about? if it derives from the birth of Jesus Christ, does it mean that only Christians celebrate? but unlikely not... people or rather believers of other faiths do join in the fun of exchanging prezzies (i was one of them too)... the fun based on the philosophy of giving and sharing, or passing around love to the people around you...

and this year marks a different identity for me. so i'm leaving Xmas out. no xmas cards, no prezzies and no parties... it's not a sad thing, and it doesnt mean that i've stopped loving, giving or sharing... without xmas, i'm still doing it 24/7 (except when i'm sleeping though!) skipping xmas it's also a good opportunity to save loads of money on cards and postages. but i think i can still use up the remaining cards from last year... hmmm... nope i can't... too late for that liao...

except that i had to prepare 5 presents because 3 were my colleagues and 2 others were my class mates. i didnt prepare any xmas gifts for Linus* this year. ever since last year preparation for his xmas present, i've kinda exhausted all ideas on what to give him. i gave him all sorts of vouchers (with stored value r and its redeemable @ anytime) for all kinds of scenarios. to date, i couldnt recall if he ever used them. perhaps he thinks that they are useless and childish, ignoring the fact that i realli realli thought about this whole thing for so long...

anyway, i spent my christmas eve, half day at work and another half day outside alone. in a less crowded sub urban area. then around evening, i popped by my friend's shop. the guy was there not long after i arrived. wondered if anyone sent him a mail that i was here. after browsing at her new arrivals, i prepared for prayers. thereafter i went for religious classes with my friends at lavender street..

today,i stayed at home all day long... except when i went out to the coffeeshop to get chicken wings. finally got the chance to dine with my brother because he's HOME. we didnt talk much because our eyes were glued to the TV.

well, christmas to me now seems just like a normal day, passing by me in a blink of my eyes...
but i can still wish the readers of this boring blog;

Merry Christmas and more importantly, have a Great New Year in 2006!!!

Post D&D updates...

Phew!! The dinner&dance didnt turn out as scary as i imagined. Thank God, i wasn't the odd looking one in the entire ballroom. there were other employees who didnt dressed up as directed. and as me and my other colleagues were waiting for the doors to be opened again (because we were late) we saw some dressed to kill, and some dressed to win the 'Best Dressed Table' for the night... There was Flintstones, South African tribe, the Red indians, the Safaris people etc... they really wore the attire that the Flintstones wore!! sorry guys, no digicam yet. no photos to upload for you to see...

i was given a muslim table. and was seated with several other people whom i dont know which department were they from. nope my colleague wasnt seating with me. and because i was late, the only seat left was facing the door and the stage was behind me. when i got seated, they looked at me as though i was an alien. i ignored the stares and decide to enjoy the performances. the sales presentation was very long and my stomach was growling with hunger. my colleauge told me that there was an empty seat at her table but i told her that i need to stay here a little longer because i was very hungry. and guess what, when i was almost done filling my stomach, she had left with her boyfriend.

so i stayed on for the lucky draw. the prizes were enormous and attractive. the Flintstones won the big prize of $3888 cash prize for the Best Dressed table. the top three prizes were trips overseas with a few thousand dollars for shopping... and the Grand prize was a trip for 2 to Paris with $3000 spending power! oh no, i didnt get anything from there.

after the lucky draw, most of the employees left... maybe the party animals stayed... though there was no prize for me, but at least i managed to enjoy a sumptuous 7 course dinner.

Pre dinner and dance blues

Update!!!

Work is still as busy... stress is piling up... the hours of sleep needing to make up is accumulating day by day... sometimes i find myself asking this question: "do i really have to work so hard to get this much of money?but i'm not commanding a high post or a high salaried job?" i hope when things slowed down, there's time to take a break before i get posted to another project site...

Personal life... didnt get better... though i'm working near where Linus* stays, we still couldnt meet up as often. this used to bug me alot but as work tolls me away, i don't have the time to think about such matters anymore. i mean i still think about it (literally) but lesser frequency... haha... there were kind and concerned souls leaving comments, suggesting that i have a talk with him. thanks folks, this method has been tried and tested. It didnt work on him! i've tried many ways but all failed. perhaps its a sign to give up hope and let go... maybe it's the issue of being 'something different'... i realli dun know...

On the lighter side of life, islamic classes on thursdays are still as interesting as ever. ustaz had listed down close to 80 types of enormities to avoid... i went WOWwww.... wow, not because i'm fascinated but 'wowdering' how to avoid them... i dont consider myself as an exemplary muslim (as yet) but i'm trying hard working on it. well, not to Show Off definitely but just for my good old sake... i'll be looking forward to the next class, whereby he would be elaborating on all the enormities that he has given...

tomorrow is our company's dinner and dance. being a new employee of this co, no matter what, you have to make known your attendance otherwise your bosses will 'mark' you and brand you 'anti social'. true or not? it's a SURVIVOR theme and i'm not going there in any greenish make up or camo attire. simply 'borrowing' the colours of the theme by wearing a green and brownish scarf i borrowed from my friend, a green jacket i bought online from my friend's junk shop and my kaki-coloured pants. TahDa!!! the last thing on my mind is not to be the odd one out in the entire ballroom. that would be the scariest and most hatted moments if that's gonna happen!

I think the best consolation would be looking forward to the food.... Oopss, i hope i didnt sound like a glutton...

catching up...

Its been almost a month since i started on this new job. so many things have changed ever since i took up this job offer. i can't surf or blog as often as i could the last time i was with my previous company, times where i could knock off on the dot and dont have to work OT or worry a single bit about work, and i don't get so much of pressures from customers.

well, its not that i couldnt handle the stress... i'm not alone. my colleagues are suffering at times too... the only consolation is that we have one another to pour out our woes and anger. we would sometimes laugh at one another about the way we handle their problems. they would start cursing or swearing at their customers, well, err hemm... me, as a muslim, cursing and swearing vulgarities would be the last thing on my mind. but actually, it shouldnt exist at all. The furthest i've gone would just be: " Irritating/Sickening piece of S*&??!! " Ooopsss... i know this shouldnt happen. everytime, i would quickly ask for God's forgiveness...

and that swift and prompt response i've developed seemed to be working when i'm performing my prayers regularly... but i've realised that my indecent language resulted in the 5days off i've taken due to M.N. Oh my dear God, please help me............. and my colleague as well... and yeah, i've got another muslim colleague. she's a Capital M muslim. a Modern era one. no prayers. no tudung. menu 60% halal only. and vulgarities are common. i'm not picking on her but rather she has my sympathies. why? because of all the above + she wasnt supportive of the religion that she was born with.

so this afternoon, i was pissed off (to the brink of going nuts) by an owner. after hanging up the line, i couldnt control and went F*%&. my other female chinese colleague heard and told my malay colleague. she laughed and then told me to take out my tudung because i sweared. I quickly prayed to God in silence asking for forgiveness. i didnt mean it but i just couldnt take it!!!!! Previously, she also told me not to wear my tudung to a Dinner&Dance. i dont know why she would say that but i sincerely prayed to God that she would return back to shore soon.... the reason why i tell you this serves as a reminder to others if you heed the advice...

as for myself, i need to practise more self-constraint....... cant let this happen anymore!!

Great finds in the library

I always have this thought in my mind.

"How would the library ever survive and still continue to bring in new books, and the libraries are also becoming bigger and better when books are rented out free to ALMOST every singaporean?"

this question has bugged me ever since i became a young and loyal bookworm of a library located near my house. i remembered i used to own many books, i began to start out a 'rental service' to my fellow young neighbours who wanted to borrow my books. i became a librarian in the neighbourhood on the 8th of my HDB estate. i didnt know why but the interest was there to play many many games with your fellow mates and the usual ones had already began to bore me so i decided to set up a library in my home. my parents home actually.

when i grew up, i think i would relate the libraries survival would probably be due to the fact that it's under government funding. i still haven't got any proof but i think i'm more likely correct.

ever since my interest in islam grew, one of the reasons of visiting the library was to find some good books about islam. and amazingly, the books i saw were of good material and content. they were informative and useful. some books also covered basic understanding of the religion which are relatively important when everyone now has misunderstood islam.

last week, i borrowed 3 books from the library. one of it was intended for my mum. because the book covered basic questions about the concept of islam and terrorism. but unfortunately, after i had finished with it, i was left with 8days to let her finish. hurrily, i left a note and placed it together with the book, telling her to read in her leisure. but i noticed that she had left it untouched for several days. as the due was approaching, i took the book back. the next day, she asked me for the book because she said she was beginning to be less busy. Hahaa... i told her i had to get it back because i was afraid of leaving that out when i had to return the books on time.

when i returned the books back one day later, i saw another book titled 'world faiths: Islam' displayed in the 'NEW' section. decided to borrow that for my mum again. that book was great too because it has more pictures and covers more topics than the previous one, in a more positive manner.

too bad, the library doesnt do any trade in or selling of their books. i enjoyed this particular book so i kept renewing. i wonder if binding and recopying of the whole book is allowed or not??

Long and peaceful dinner

This opportunity was hard to come by. ever since i embarked on this new job, i think to have an opportunity to have a long peaceful and enjoyable dinner with Linus* would be like a dream come true to me.

i made an arrangement with my previous co to hand over my duties to the new staff, henceforth i could knock off from work ON TIME. so that explains the reason i could meet Linus* for dinner. i told myself that i would really love to have a lengthy dinner where we could chat longer. (on other occassions, it was like a 'chop chop' sessions)

after our individual committments, we decided to have a sumptuous dinner at swensens. and i told him i would treat him. but unfortunately, the place that we went was down with car park problems so we had a change of plans : PizzaHut. when we reached the restaurant, we quickly decided on the set meal which cost about 23.95dollars. it consisted of two soups, two drinks, a salad and a regular size pizza. we ordered an additional side of criss cross fries with salsa sauce. after ordering he asked me what was the occassion that calls for the treat, i said nothing la, just felt an urge to have a good dinner. (but inside my heart, this would actually so-called bribe him in giving me more time to spent with him) you know what, coffeeshop meals are so fast. once you finish, chop chop, you go home. good bye. good night. so boring right? at least places that pizzahut or swensens has a better ambience. i wouldnt mind paying if i can get to spend more time with him. you may think i'm foolish, but this foolishness might wear off soon. i think. if his attitude towards me is still..... hmmm...

anyway, it was a fruitful treat. a good dinner. and a fulfilling one. we ate and savoured it slowly. like as though making every cent spend worthwhile. not wasting a single mm of cheese on the pan... haha...

how i wished if all dinners forthcoming would be that long and worthwhile... weekdays are impossible since there isnt much time. weekends are even HIGHLY IMPOSSIBLE since i'm not up to his standard to be able to cater for weekend slots in his timetable...

nevertheless, i'm keeping my fingers crossed... (:

Walking advertisement

So here i am. in a challenging job environment when everything that has to be learnt comes from an industry i could never imagine that i would be landing myself in.

Of course i'm positive towards these new challenges, though by nature i had been quite a pessimist so it had been really a tough week out there. having less than a week to pick up all the new terms in the construction field and learning how to provide solutions in a 'customer orientated' manner viz-a-viz through their defects. it's as though, in order to get into the good books of the owners, many things have to be rectified and correctly changed according otherwise, you will get lots of pressurizing stuff from them...

So in my new job, i get to clad myself in tudung. i wanted it and it really happened! so here i am : a chinese muslim who is unable to speak Malay. but becuase of the tudung, i was mistaken as a Malay by many, in hundreds by now...

i didnt want to let them know that i'm a chinese by birth, not because i'm ashamed to be one but i thought that it would be better in a way that i can get to hear things which they didnt want us to hear. wouldnt that be an advantage? heehee... but there were certain occassions i gave myself away because my other chinese colleague had called me and i blurted out some chinese words. and they started asking me; " So are you a chinese or malay?" then i had to explain what's my status etc etc...

People mainly were interested to find out :"why did you convert? how did your parents reacted? and is your husband or boyfriend malay?" There were only two people who were more interested to ask me questions: one was a carpenter and the other was my chinese colleauge. first one being perceptive and the latter being receptive. whatever i told her, she listened attentively and asked serious questions. the carpenter was interested to find out what Islam teaches because he was curious about the recent happenings about the bombings. so i explained to him in chinese, something i never tried before. haahaa, not because i cant speak chinese but my medium of learning had always been English. so it became quite difficult to find the appropriate terms.

but anyway, i would be glad to share the good things about islam, if anyone is interested...