A day of discoveries

Today I discovered the power of 'taqwa' (consciousness of God). My recent lessons were mostly emphasized on developing taqwa, so that we could attain a level much closer to God. Because the consciousness of God in our self isn't just about thinking of Him when u deem u need help but consciously, effortlessly and constantly, every single thing that you do, you Remembers Him. He is everywhere. and He is closer than man's jugular vein. He also tells us that when we call out to Him in prayers, He hears and He answers.

as we all know, sometimes work carries us far far away from the remembrance of God, but if we practise 'taqwa', no matter how busy you are, God should always be constantly remembered. in every single step you take or every stairs you climb, in the back of your mind, you would always remember that God is watching over you. and has knowledge of all your words and actions. and so because i was constantly fed with all those verses from the Quran by the ustaz, i'm beginning to be much more aware of what i think or act. and that every action or thought should be inline with what a muslim should do or should not. very cautious and conscious. knowing of the consequences of incurring the wrath or punishment of God, i was coming quite close in slowly reforming of how i treat others. I'm trying my best becoz maybe i need to kick off some hard core habits.
so now, this is the power of Taqwa. this is the beauty of Islam.

Today is also Linus* birthday. and i think Allah swt sent me a reminder today. about what i did. about what had happened since 2months back... Previously, i had made plans about what to give him for his birthday present. i had also planned a sumptuous date and dinner for him in advance. but Allah decrees that i should lose him way before his birthday comes. Allah decrees that hurtful words should come out from his mouth to tell me that i was never considered becoz no outcome would come out of us since no decisions could be made between us. and there and then he left with someone new by his side. i had a hard time and i struggled through. alhamdulillah (all praise belongs to God) i survived. friendship between us survived through. and we continued keeping in touch. friends had laughed at how foolish i was to 'cling' on him since he had already clarified his position. and i was to stop contacting him at all. i knew i couldnt do it. maybe he could or probably he would. Just One fine day. so am i gonna be thrown aside when he decides to do that act again?

so i met him and passed him his presents. in a huge box. with several surprises inside. a day before his actual birthday of course. (my priority was of course downgraded) he thanked me in millions for my effort. and i replied 'oh, dun mention. you are welcome.' blah blah blah.... then later part of the night, struggling to keep my eyes open, i recorded a stupid video clip of me singing a birthday song for him from the inspiration i got when he first gave me a birthday video clip in 2004. come 0000 hrs, i send out the MMS. no reply. hmmm... okay, he must have fell asleep. so i went to bed as well.

As usual i would send him a sms to ask about his day but he 'suddenly disappeared'. two sms went out. three. No reply. kinda worried at first, so i called him. Phone was ringing but no one picked up. Okay i thought. 3 possibilities.
1. in meeting.
2. didnt hear.
3. with GF.
*most prob, is number 3 possibility*
so of course i stopped sms-ing liao... but later when he replied, he didn't want to answer any single question about where did he go for celebration etc... well, yes he has the right not to reveal and what more, the right to go out with any pretty girl right??

Chapter closed.