Why are human to human relationships so difficult to handle? Do we always have to put on a mask or be a hypocrite front but deep down you just don't like that person? do you have any persons/colleagues you don't like and you are actually doing the above as indicated? why is that we are living in such a pretentious society where everybody isn't truthful? what are the factors that mould how we behave towards another opinionated individual? how do you handle communication with another individual you don't like?
for me, i try not to create any hatelist though naturally some people would just wanna try their luck on you, no matter how good you are, the list would be there in no time. trust me, especially when u become popular, or when something bad happens la. i neva thought i would have any problems with friends or even colleagues. actually, i dun even have the slightest idea to how would this happen in the 1st place? it all began when i came to a point of changing my beliefs. a good friend impressed on me her idea of my conversion as trying to be with this guy Linus*. 'Your love won't be requitted, don't be silly la. he's not worth you doing so much you know.' to her and the rest of the people i know, the decision to convert was only about converting because you have to marry into the family. but hey guys, wouldn't u want to know the beautiful picture?
hmmm... and so i was subjected to many eyebrows raised, doubts not clarified,and misunderstandings created all due to the fact that nobody wants to know the 'real picture'... and soon me & this friend drifted further and further. she didn't call me on my birthday so i guessed she's still mad at me. and about a month or two ago, colleagues that used to be close to me began giving me the cold shoulder. i neva knew why the sudden change of attitude. the worse i could think of, might be due to the fact that i've converted to a Malay. (instead of using the proper word called Muslim) Do you know the difference? well i thought it might be just sensitivity on my part, so i try to abort the negativity. i tried to strike conversations, make eye contact, greet people, smile at them, but only today i felt i was being 'slapped'. she turned away. reality bites... Oouucchh... If it was about hanging out with the 'unpopular ones', then why other people hang out with them have no problems? if it was about religion, then again why other people of my same religion got no problems?
i'm not blogging because i need someone to empathise with the amount of support i get on choosing this religion but just channelling my frustrations out here. yeah, even if i wanna ask for a listening ear, who would volunteer to lend me his/her time? that day, i couldn't help it and i teared in the place of worship after my prayers. i wasn't sure if it was alright to do so. i talked to Him in tears with my heart. shortly after, i felt a little better....
*name has been changed to protect their privacy*
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