Pre conversion days

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful

Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth stands out clear from Error; whoever rejects Evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things. (256) Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness, He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject faith the patrons are the Evil Ones: from light they will lead them forth into the depths of darkness. They will be companions of the fire, to dwell therein (for ever). Surah al-Baqarah 2:255~256

Do you live a meaningful and purpose-driven life?

Do you have the slightest idea what are you here for?

Do you feel lost during certain phases of your life?

It was ‘Yes’ for all in my 20 odd years of living. But that was 3 years ago. The life that I had before Islam was like as though I was in complete darkness. I passed each day with no sense of direction. Day by day, year by year, my life was always the same. Even though I was practicing Buddhism; going for ‘chanting’ at the temple with my mum, going for overnight prayers for 7days straight in a row in the temple etc, they were rituals done superficially. My heart wasn’t there. Whenever I’m in there, I yearn for the shopping malls outside. There was no willingness, thus no concentration. I still remember the times when I told my mum I was going to the temple for prayers, she would be very happy. But she didn’t know that I probably stayed there for only an hour or so, and I would skive off to shop in town. (the temple was slapped in the town area near Somerset MRT).

So this went on for almost 4 years and it’s about the same length of time I was a vegetarian. This special diet only lasted for 2 years, after that I don’t know when did I began my yearning for chicken. Seriously, then the chicken tasted extremely delicious. Probably because it was ‘forbidden fruit’ for me at that time. Slowly, my vegetarian meals were only at home.

Despite me reading and reading the Buddhism materials over and over again, I couldn’t find what I wanted to know all my life. I wanted to know where did I come from, besides from the womb of my mother. Who else holds the decision to decide which child should be born into which family? Who maintains the universe? Who decides when the world should end? All these wasn’t mentioned in any of the scriptures that I’m always chanting. I was getting sick of it. Of course, there was the good side of Buddhism. That is, all Buddhists must love human beings. They must love the animals too, that’s why they are not eating them. They must be the people who don’t lie, cheat, steal etc.. all those bad things, you get the point? They too, have their own commandments. They should be people who have a lot of compassion. All these are acceptable, except for the fact that they are worshipping other statures.

Finally, one day, The One and Only God who created me shone light upon the path that I was walking on. He let in a glimpse of light upon me by sending me a guardian cum colleague cum mentor cum good friend. By the grace and mercy of Allah swt, I was given answers that I had been longing to hear. Finally, I heard the TRUTH. TRUTH about myself, about my surroundings, about the Universe, about when the world will end, and last but not least, about the existence of my CREATOR. Allahu Akbar!!!

Slowly but steadily, I was guided by Allah swt through my mentor on the path towards Islam. I thought it should be quite easy but it wasn’t. I faced ostracised by colleagues and friends when they heard what I did to myself. What I faced at home was even worse. To an extent, I was threatened by my parents that if I convert, I would get chased out of my home. I was really really very sad. The next day I went to work and confided in my colleague. He was the only person I could go to during those trying times.

Till now, when I recall these memories, I realised that I had to cope with so much changes at one go. Everything just happened at the same time. (silly me, of course it would). I was hoping that my friends would accept who I am truly and not judge me or the friendship that we have based on the religion alone. It isn’t fair but never mind.

I am very fortunate and grateful to Allah swt for giving me the opportunity in this life to be a Muslim. There’s no more other lives to come, to be able to receive this guidance. It is this very moment in my life, and only this life that is so crucial. For whatever that I do, or whoever I become determines my state in the Hereafter.

I hope this inspires other Muslims who think that they have lots of time in this world to repent later.

Think again. Do you know when are you going to die?