“Realize prayer is life. The way you spend your life outside of prayer will directly affect the way you are in prayer. And the more time you dedicate to dhikr the more you can concentrate in prayers.”
Almost half of Ramadan has passed me. And everyday, I always feel 'hungry and thirsty’. Nope, I’m not talking about the physical hunger and thirst but the spiritual ‘hunger’ and ‘thirst’.
As I looked back my past entries on Ramadan in my blog, it worries me to know that my state as a Muslim has never quite improved a bit. Same remorseful state, same experiential feeling and nothing good comes out from me...
This year, I continued my striving and searching in Ramadan. Searching for inner peace and connection with my Lord in this blessed month of Ramadan.
My heart is completely devoid of spiritual connection with Allah swt. Ustaz Feisal said that in this month especially, we are supposed to feel even closer to Him than any other months.
Am I closer to you, O Allah?
Do a reality check.
Taqwa. Check.
Fast from food, drinks and sexual relations. Check.
Reading the quran. Check.
But I’m still missing out something…
Khusr (concentration in prayer). No check.
I’ve been faced with this problem for a long time. Every now and then, I fight with the nonsensical travellings of the brain to many places. I have read about the importance of concentration in prayers, but I’ve yet to summon the humility and awe and respect to the One that I’m facing when I pray. It's not that i don't treat it seriously but sometimes, the sub-consciousness brings me out of the Divine Presence. As I constantly draw all my attention, awe and humility before every prayers, somewhere for a few moments in my prayers, I found myself thinking about some dunya issues. Na’udzubillah! I really wished I could do something about it
Ya Allah! Please forgive me!
I thank Allah swt for making these defects known to me. I shall never give up and will continue my fight!
O Allah! Please give me the strength to overcome my difficulties!
Showing posts with label repentance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label repentance. Show all posts
Friday, September 04, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Repentance and Taqwa
In one of Shaykh Hamza Yusuf's lecture, he said:
“Make tawbah. Open your hearts to the rahma of this deen. Ask Allah swt to make you vessels of its beauty. This religion is so stunningly beautiful that if it was shown to you in all of its ornaments, you would just have to weep. This religion is naked, but its garment is taqwa, and when Muslims don’t have taqwa, they expose the nakedness of the religion, stripping it of its ornament. Take this religion as a serious thing. It’s Allah’s commandments: ‘We told the people that went before you, and we’re telling you, be conscious of God.’“
“Make tawbah. Open your hearts to the rahma of this deen. Ask Allah swt to make you vessels of its beauty. This religion is so stunningly beautiful that if it was shown to you in all of its ornaments, you would just have to weep. This religion is naked, but its garment is taqwa, and when Muslims don’t have taqwa, they expose the nakedness of the religion, stripping it of its ornament. Take this religion as a serious thing. It’s Allah’s commandments: ‘We told the people that went before you, and we’re telling you, be conscious of God.’“
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w! Ya Rasullulah s.a.w!
Allah swt created you to be sent as a mercy to mankind. But yet mankind did not rekindle your mercy and compassion, and had even subjected you to abuse, humiliation, sorcery, and tried to draw caricatures of you, ya The Most Loved of the Beloved!
Your ummah is being tested to prove our love to you. Hate emails were circulated in the whole wide world to sabotage Danish's products and even led to protests across the Muslim world, some of which escalated into violence with police firing on the crowds (resulting in more than 100 deaths, altogether), including setting fire to the Danish Embassies in Syria, Lebanon and Iran, storming European buildings, and desecrating the Danish, Dutch, Norwegian and German flags in Gaza City. While a number of Muslim leaders called for protesters to remain peaceful, other Muslim leaders across the globe, including Mahmoud al-Zahar of Hamas, issued death threats. We were told to circulate to as many Muslims as possible, to defend our Prophet's name, otherwise we shall have to bear the punishment in the Hereafter. But is it true, ya Rasullulah? If you were still around, would you do that?
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w! Are we loving you the right way? Are we truly following the 'legacy of righteous behaviour' that you have left behind for us as a true example? If we say we love you, does our actions match what our lips say?
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w! You have the honour to be placed alongside Allah's name in every Muslim home. We have you on our walls, but do we truly have you in our hearts?? Did we hang you on our tongues or only on the hooks of our walls?
Ya Allah! I am your weak servant and follower of the most Beautiful religion that you have given and bestowed upon me. I seek your mercy and forgiveness for the wrongs that i've done, for the sins that i've committed and the disobedience that was carried out. Please guide me on the straight path, ya Allah!
Allah swt created you to be sent as a mercy to mankind. But yet mankind did not rekindle your mercy and compassion, and had even subjected you to abuse, humiliation, sorcery, and tried to draw caricatures of you, ya The Most Loved of the Beloved!
Your ummah is being tested to prove our love to you. Hate emails were circulated in the whole wide world to sabotage Danish's products and even led to protests across the Muslim world, some of which escalated into violence with police firing on the crowds (resulting in more than 100 deaths, altogether), including setting fire to the Danish Embassies in Syria, Lebanon and Iran, storming European buildings, and desecrating the Danish, Dutch, Norwegian and German flags in Gaza City. While a number of Muslim leaders called for protesters to remain peaceful, other Muslim leaders across the globe, including Mahmoud al-Zahar of Hamas, issued death threats. We were told to circulate to as many Muslims as possible, to defend our Prophet's name, otherwise we shall have to bear the punishment in the Hereafter. But is it true, ya Rasullulah? If you were still around, would you do that?
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w! Are we loving you the right way? Are we truly following the 'legacy of righteous behaviour' that you have left behind for us as a true example? If we say we love you, does our actions match what our lips say?
Ya Rasullulah s.a.w! You have the honour to be placed alongside Allah's name in every Muslim home. We have you on our walls, but do we truly have you in our hearts?? Did we hang you on our tongues or only on the hooks of our walls?
Ya Allah! I am your weak servant and follower of the most Beautiful religion that you have given and bestowed upon me. I seek your mercy and forgiveness for the wrongs that i've done, for the sins that i've committed and the disobedience that was carried out. Please guide me on the straight path, ya Allah!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Last 10 days of Ramadan
This is the part I dread most.
Bidding farewell to my favourite month: RAMADAN
Soon, the month of mercies, blessings and abundance of forgiveness from my Lord will leave US.
Soon, the month where Shaytan and his protege were shackled up so that the servants of Allah swt could worship Him with full concentration will leave US. (and if the servant did not, know that it is man himself who is the 'devil' who succumb to his own nafsul and hawa).
Soon, the month where fasting alone, earns rewards that only Allah swt has the authority to reward His servants; where forgiveness is granted by Allah swt to anyone who fasts with the intention for Him alone, will leave US.
Soon, the month where we do not have to fight shaytan to do alot of ibadah towards Allah swt will leave US. (and Ust Feisal said; this is the month where ibadah taste sweet. Do you?)
And before, we bid farewell to Ramadan, Muslims await for the 'Night of Power', also known as Laylatul Qadr; or better known to be a night better than a thousand nights.
Masya Allah. And we are told to seek it on the odd nights of the last 10 nights of Ramadan.
I was REALLY REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to THIS NIGHT.......
I was toying with the idea of 'procrastinating' the arrival of 'Mother Nature', so that my solat and ibadah will not be disturbed towards the last 10 days of Ramadan.
Indeed, it is Allah swt who decrees and none will be able to run away from it.
Saddening to know, 'Mother Nature' decides to knock on my door and destroy my dream of chasing the 'Laylatul Qadr'.
Allah swt knows best.
He knew that I needed Him.
So on the 1st night of the last 10 nights, at 1am in the morning, somehow I couldn't sleep.
Though, I couldn't pray, I took wudu and wore my telerkung. Sitting on my prayer mat and remembered all my bad deeds. I did my istigfar and I reflected on the sins that I had committed, and I really prayed very hard to Him for forgiveness. I cried and cried, hoping that it will be accepted. I prayed very hard to Allah, that He will guide my heart towards sincere repentance.
O Allah! Please don't let Ramadan leave me, without forgiving my sins! You know the state of my affairs and my heart. Only through you, will my heart attains sakinah. And, only through your Mercy, my heart can be cleansed!
Please don't leave me to fend for myself!
Bidding farewell to my favourite month: RAMADAN
Soon, the month of mercies, blessings and abundance of forgiveness from my Lord will leave US.
Soon, the month where Shaytan and his protege were shackled up so that the servants of Allah swt could worship Him with full concentration will leave US. (and if the servant did not, know that it is man himself who is the 'devil' who succumb to his own nafsul and hawa).
Soon, the month where fasting alone, earns rewards that only Allah swt has the authority to reward His servants; where forgiveness is granted by Allah swt to anyone who fasts with the intention for Him alone, will leave US.
Soon, the month where we do not have to fight shaytan to do alot of ibadah towards Allah swt will leave US. (and Ust Feisal said; this is the month where ibadah taste sweet. Do you?)
And before, we bid farewell to Ramadan, Muslims await for the 'Night of Power', also known as Laylatul Qadr; or better known to be a night better than a thousand nights.
Masya Allah. And we are told to seek it on the odd nights of the last 10 nights of Ramadan.
I was REALLY REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to THIS NIGHT.......
I was toying with the idea of 'procrastinating' the arrival of 'Mother Nature', so that my solat and ibadah will not be disturbed towards the last 10 days of Ramadan.
Indeed, it is Allah swt who decrees and none will be able to run away from it.
Saddening to know, 'Mother Nature' decides to knock on my door and destroy my dream of chasing the 'Laylatul Qadr'.
Allah swt knows best.
He knew that I needed Him.
So on the 1st night of the last 10 nights, at 1am in the morning, somehow I couldn't sleep.
Though, I couldn't pray, I took wudu and wore my telerkung. Sitting on my prayer mat and remembered all my bad deeds. I did my istigfar and I reflected on the sins that I had committed, and I really prayed very hard to Him for forgiveness. I cried and cried, hoping that it will be accepted. I prayed very hard to Allah, that He will guide my heart towards sincere repentance.
O Allah! Please don't let Ramadan leave me, without forgiving my sins! You know the state of my affairs and my heart. Only through you, will my heart attains sakinah. And, only through your Mercy, my heart can be cleansed!
Please don't leave me to fend for myself!
Monday, September 15, 2008
O Allah! Please forgive me!
Ramadan is a gift of Mercy.
Prophet s.a.w said this about Ramadan:
"Its beginning is mercy, its middle is forgiveness, and its ending is liberation from the Hellfire."(Ibn Khuzaymah, Al-Sahih)
We have passed the first 10days of mercy.
Now, we have entered the middle of Ramadan, where forgiveness is granted upon us, if we ask Allah. Invoke Allah for forgiveness. Repent to Allah for your sins and supplicate with raised hands at the times of prayer as these are the best times, during which Allah Almighty looks at His servants with mercy. Allah answers if we supplicate, responds if we call upon Him, and grants if He is asked, and accepts if we entreat.
Prophet s.a.w said: 'Your back may break from the heavy load of your sins, so prostrate yourself before Allah for long intervals, and make this load lighter.'
O Allah! I admit all my mistakes to you, for you are the all Hearing, all Knowing and all Seeing.
And none can forgive sins except you, so please forgive me and accept my repentance. Guide my heart towards true and sincere repentation, ya Allah!
This Ramadan, I felt so far apart from my Lord. Perhaps it's my sins. or perhaps it's the black and tainted heart, that causes my Lord to be mad at me. I am angry with myself because i have made Him angry.
Ya Allah! Please don't distance away from me. I need You.
Prophet s.a.w said this about Ramadan:
"Its beginning is mercy, its middle is forgiveness, and its ending is liberation from the Hellfire."(Ibn Khuzaymah, Al-Sahih)
We have passed the first 10days of mercy.
Now, we have entered the middle of Ramadan, where forgiveness is granted upon us, if we ask Allah. Invoke Allah for forgiveness. Repent to Allah for your sins and supplicate with raised hands at the times of prayer as these are the best times, during which Allah Almighty looks at His servants with mercy. Allah answers if we supplicate, responds if we call upon Him, and grants if He is asked, and accepts if we entreat.
Prophet s.a.w said: 'Your back may break from the heavy load of your sins, so prostrate yourself before Allah for long intervals, and make this load lighter.'
O Allah! I admit all my mistakes to you, for you are the all Hearing, all Knowing and all Seeing.
And none can forgive sins except you, so please forgive me and accept my repentance. Guide my heart towards true and sincere repentation, ya Allah!
This Ramadan, I felt so far apart from my Lord. Perhaps it's my sins. or perhaps it's the black and tainted heart, that causes my Lord to be mad at me. I am angry with myself because i have made Him angry.
Ya Allah! Please don't distance away from me. I need You.
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