“Realize prayer is life. The way you spend your life outside of prayer will directly affect the way you are in prayer. And the more time you dedicate to dhikr the more you can concentrate in prayers.”
Almost half of Ramadan has passed me. And everyday, I always feel 'hungry and thirsty’. Nope, I’m not talking about the physical hunger and thirst but the spiritual ‘hunger’ and ‘thirst’.
As I looked back my past entries on Ramadan in my blog, it worries me to know that my state as a Muslim has never quite improved a bit. Same remorseful state, same experiential feeling and nothing good comes out from me...
This year, I continued my striving and searching in Ramadan. Searching for inner peace and connection with my Lord in this blessed month of Ramadan.
My heart is completely devoid of spiritual connection with Allah swt. Ustaz Feisal said that in this month especially, we are supposed to feel even closer to Him than any other months.
Am I closer to you, O Allah?
Do a reality check.
Taqwa. Check.
Fast from food, drinks and sexual relations. Check.
Reading the quran. Check.
But I’m still missing out something…
Khusr (concentration in prayer). No check.
I’ve been faced with this problem for a long time. Every now and then, I fight with the nonsensical travellings of the brain to many places. I have read about the importance of concentration in prayers, but I’ve yet to summon the humility and awe and respect to the One that I’m facing when I pray. It's not that i don't treat it seriously but sometimes, the sub-consciousness brings me out of the Divine Presence. As I constantly draw all my attention, awe and humility before every prayers, somewhere for a few moments in my prayers, I found myself thinking about some dunya issues. Na’udzubillah! I really wished I could do something about it
Ya Allah! Please forgive me!
I thank Allah swt for making these defects known to me. I shall never give up and will continue my fight!
O Allah! Please give me the strength to overcome my difficulties!
1 comment:
I completelt agree with u sis, everything u say is true indeed.
Wat we can do right now is simply do our best. As long as we still continue to strive, Allah knows.
So lets worry less and move forward.
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