ALHAMDULILLAH!

I still remember the time when I was browsing through some books at the bookshop in Darul Arqam(Muslim Converts' Association of S'pore) and this Chinese sister came up to me and talked to me. She was the first Chinese Muslim friend i had at that time, even though i wasn't a full-fledged muslim yet.

She has been a volunteer with Darul for donkey years. And she had been my friend and closest pillar of support during those times when i had no one else. Though she's not so good with her remarks, but actually she has a heart of gold. She has to work and feed herself and her 20yr old son who is currently studying in the polytechnic. It must have been hard for her all these years after her husband passed away.

Despite all these, she did not stop showing concern for me. We do not meet as often ever since i got married so sometimes we would call one another. She would always be the one to text and inform me about the events that Darul is organising. She was also the one who told me to renew my membership with Darul and sign myself up as a volunteer so that i could render my services to the new converts. To date, I have not done so. I haven't gotten much support from my spouse and hence the delay.

It is with much regret that all forms of support had vanished together with my mentor when he left, and Darul could not fill in the gaps created from the time my parents distanced me the moment i chose a different religion as them. Those times were really really really challenging.

I ever threatened to him that i will renounce the faith. But at the back of my mind, i kept asking myself the question over and over again;' Will I? Should I?' I need to make the right decision for myself, and not for anyone else. For many nights, I couldn't sleep and I pondered over the question of 'to stay or to abandon'. Abandoning Islam would mean that i would still have a roof over my head but would not mean that i have a good end. But if i stay on, i could risk destroying everything that i have and i would have to start all over again.

Is it worth taking up this challenge?

And alhamdulillah, by the Grace and Mercy of Allah swt, I made the decision and continued my journey as a Muslim.

Although my journey continued without the presence of my mentor, Allah swt sent superb friends along the way. And she was one of them.

May Allah swt reward her in this world and the next for what she has done and continue to bestow upon her strength and assistance in her journey here. ameen ameen ya rabbal alamin.