Last 10 days of Ramadan

This is the part I dread most.

Bidding farewell to my favourite month: RAMADAN

Soon, the month of mercies, blessings and abundance of forgiveness from my Lord will leave US.

Soon, the month where Shaytan and his protege were shackled up so that the servants of Allah swt could worship Him with full concentration will leave US. (and if the servant did not, know that it is man himself who is the 'devil' who succumb to his own nafsul and hawa).

Soon, the month where fasting alone, earns rewards that only Allah swt has the authority to reward His servants; where forgiveness is granted by Allah swt to anyone who fasts with the intention for Him alone, will leave US.

Soon, the month where we do not have to fight shaytan to do alot of ibadah towards Allah swt will leave US. (and Ust Feisal said; this is the month where ibadah taste sweet. Do you?)

And before, we bid farewell to Ramadan, Muslims await for the 'Night of Power', also known as Laylatul Qadr; or better known to be a night better than a thousand nights.

Masya Allah. And we are told to seek it on the odd nights of the last 10 nights of Ramadan.

I was REALLY REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to THIS NIGHT.......

I was toying with the idea of 'procrastinating' the arrival of 'Mother Nature', so that my solat and ibadah will not be disturbed towards the last 10 days of Ramadan.

Indeed, it is Allah swt who decrees and none will be able to run away from it.

Saddening to know, 'Mother Nature' decides to knock on my door and destroy my dream of chasing the 'Laylatul Qadr'.

Allah swt knows best.

He knew that I needed Him.

So on the 1st night of the last 10 nights, at 1am in the morning, somehow I couldn't sleep.

Though, I couldn't pray, I took wudu and wore my telerkung. Sitting on my prayer mat and remembered all my bad deeds. I did my istigfar and I reflected on the sins that I had committed, and I really prayed very hard to Him for forgiveness. I cried and cried, hoping that it will be accepted. I prayed very hard to Allah, that He will guide my heart towards sincere repentance.

O Allah! Please don't let Ramadan leave me, without forgiving my sins! You know the state of my affairs and my heart. Only through you, will my heart attains sakinah. And, only through your Mercy, my heart can be cleansed!
Please don't leave me to fend for myself!