The reason why i emphasized the word 'chinese' is because i had this experience of talking to a fellow chinese old man, about me not being able to celebrate CNY because i've converted. i got a little worked up that day. despite telling him that race has got nothing to do with my conversion and I am WHO I am, he still insist that i cant celebrate. Madness. anyway, let's forgive him. he doesnt know that much.
3 days of CNY celebration is finally OVER... sigh... 6 more hours i'll be back to work... 6 more hours and i'm still awake. i'll look like a panda bear tomorrow. here's a round up to what have i been doing these 3 days of CNY:
Epilogue: Last year before CNY, i was still a non muslim but was already 80% practising the religion with the help of my mentor. practising mean i've learnt to cover myself with appropriate attire and abstaining myself from non halal food at all times even how tempting it may be. not many people within my relatives zone know about this.
28th (Eve of CNY) : went to my aunt's place for reunion. since now even my aunt know about it already, she got for me some fish items for steamboat. cant guarantee for the chicken so i decided to avoid it althogether. better be safe than sorry. though i know the utensils arent that clean but i've got no choice leh... make do lor...
29th (1st day) : went out quite late becoz brother didnt wake up early. first house we went was my grandma's place. got 4angpows from just one place. then we proceeded to my mother's grandma place. this place consists of many brothers and sisters and their families plus their kids. it's a very crowded place. biggest place of angpow collection. collected more than a dozen from here. but on my mind wasnt about collecting angpows. i'm already quite old. feeling quite 'malu' collecting for 20 odd years liao, people will start asking why havent got boyfriend. my worries were not being able to perform my prayers!! around 4plus, we were summoned to another grandma's place. collected another 4. when i saw time was running out, and since my parents were 'staking out' on the gambling table, i said a white lie and told them that i wanna go central and meet friend. so this was it, i sneaked out to pray asar and magrib at a nearby mosque.
30th (2nd day) : everybody woke up late today. and gues what, we left house around five and i got to pray my asar at home. i was very happy. don't have to worry about finding a place to pray. after visiting my dad's sister place, we went back to my aunt's place again. i liked this place because i get to pray but on the other hand, sometimes i cant help but doubt the quality requirement of the food tat has to be consumed.
31st (3rd day) : after i finished my zuhur prayers, i left for my friend's place at sengkang. i got lots of shocking faces when i turned up with my tudung. not much questions were asked about the reason for conversion but i know after i leave, people would talk. they cant speculate that i would get married soon because my bubble of love just burst! after that, i rushed off for another colleague's house at sengkang too. stayed there for less than an hour and we left. i didnt had any place to go so i headed for a mosque near my house for my asar, magrib and isyak prayers. i had a terrible day today. can't help but feeling sad when i think about Linus* again. cried during my prayers again (since zuhur till isyak). wanna sought help from my mentor but he's just like Linus*, also busy with girlfriend liao.
Enough said about Linus*.
though i may not know how long i would take to climb out from this hole but i hope i can recover soon. Hope that God will guide me and forgive me for whatever evilish or undesirable thoughts that i've harboured arising from this test that He had decreed upon me..
5 comments:
Perhaps u could check wth ur mentor/ustaz @ darul arqam. Fr wat i noe, we neednt be too suspicious abt utensils in a nonmuslim's hse. As long as we're sure they've been washed, it's ok. Neednt worry too much abt that fork/spoon having touched some pork or watevr b4 it ws washd. You wud want 2 eat wth a peaceful mind, right?
Perhaps @ some pt of time u shld get used to asking permission if the relative is close-knitted, if u can do ur solat at their room or sumtin. It can be a bit tiring if u have to sneak out of the hse to go to a nearby mosque each time.
Hmm maybe we shld meet someday.
my first cny celeb as a muslim too.. in the open. previously was still hiding my identity. =)
yes, i agree wif sponge. there are clear-cut rules n all 'but' at this stage now, it is equally vital to make peace wif all relatives and frens n need not b too rigid. Allah understands yr intentions n setbacks. a step after another yes?
i hold onto what an ustaz once told me i.e "nothing is more sacred than meals prepared by a MOTHER". u r now the living testimony of Islam n all that it carries.. =)
take care sister..
thanks to sponge.what u say is true.i'm only thankful that they were so thoughtful.i cant thank them enough for their efforts.thanks for your support and encouragement. hmmm... insya allah if we would meet one day..
thanks to fatihah... wondering if u have a blog or something like an email where we can keep in contact... (; i'm glad u guys/gals had dropped by and made me felt that there are still people who are concerned...
Post a Comment